Hoshi-kun’s Short story. For You, I’d Give Up Everything, Including My Future. “ ‘For you, I’d give up everything, including my future’, you’d call me foolish if I ever were to tell you. So I will just commit my own words to memory, and will make it a vow. A vow I will honor above all else, because, you saved me. You saved me from my loneliness, from my despair, from my wretched life. You are like the sun in the day, and most importantly my moon during the night. Your light, and fiery passions, ignite me and push me forwards. And I am most happy being just the kindling for your iridescent glow. I fear I may be idolizing you too much. It makes me laugh when I think about it, but I can’t stop, because everything is true. And the truth is only further made clear with every second of the day we spend together. This journey we have embarked upon, I wish that it may never end. And if it does come a time where it does end, may it be due to something occurring to me, for without you, my life is meaningless. I sometimes, wish, I could tell you all this. Face to face, person to person, but I know, you aren’t into sentimentality, and would make me shut up the moment I opened my mouth. For I could never hide my emotions, my emotions of gratitude, happiness, everything, including perhaps love as well, but it isn’t something so simple or small. And the word “love” could never be enough to encompass everything you do and mean to me, but I suppose for now, it encompasses enough that it seems acceptable to use it. I love you, dear Ulrich.” This was the last thing she ever wrote in that accursed journal of hers, I’m ashamed at myself. These are all of thoughts she could never tell me, even though we were by each other’s side for so long, and whenever she wrote, I was always there. I just never paid enough attention to her. I was too focused. I was too focused on my goal. I’m sorry Aleesha, I’m sorry. My goal was the only reason keeping me alive, I had no more room for other thoughts. I’m ashamed to admit, that you’re right. Had you decided to tell me this all to my face, I would’ve ignored it all. And told you to stifle you’re pathetic feelings. Her journal, at the end of every entry, every page, she makes sure to write down the words, “I love you, Ulrich.” The last page in her journal, haunts me. I’m, terrified. I’m reminded, of memories I can’t think of now. I’ve been trying to suppress it for days now, but I just can’t. I just can’t. Those last words of hers, I can’t forget it. She told me the same words when she was in my arms. I, I didn’t tell you to give me your everything. I didn’t want your future. Finally, I break, as memories from that day come in like flashes of light. _____________ “Ulrich, it’s dangerous, we can’t face it now.” She warned. “If I can’t defeat that thing, then I won’t be able to move forward. I need to do this!” I persisted, and ignored her words to make me stop. I’m sorry. “....” Unable to persuade me, she accepted defeat and was forced to follow. You should’ve left me, you stupid fool. I’m a fucking monster, I didn’t want your future. We entered deeper into the cave, the beast I wanted to hunt lied deeper within, and I needed its parts and it’s strength. Killing it would give me tremendous growth in combat. I was fool. Always have been, though I suppose it takes someone even more foolish to follow a fool. She was an idiot. The beast was huge, it was reminiscent of a wolf that was enlarged and darker than darkness itself. And the darkness cloaked it in spikes and sharp tendrils. Within this dark cave where light was limited, we were disadvantaged. The battle grew intense. Aleesha backed me up with her skill and techniques. She was always gifted in the arts of combat. If given time, she could’ve reached the heights of humanity and be hailed as a Hero. I stifled such a future. I misstepped. The attack would’ve killed me and given the opportunity for a decisive blow. I remember it so clearly. Her last moments. . . . “Ulrich! Watch out!” She said, before stepping between me and the beast’s claws. They impaled right through her, her blood, scalding with life, splashed across my body. Shock filled me like an ice cold tundra, I stood still for just a second, and then regained my rationale. In but a second, I was fueled with anger, due to my denying of the reality. The reality that Aleesha is no longer with me. The anger fueled me with enough strength to kill the monster before me. My sword clanged to the ground as I dropped it. The blood upon its length splattered, as I ran toward Aleesha. She couldn’t be dead, I thought. Aleesha, I had plans. I had plans, though I didn’t think of them entirely yet, because the present could change. I had plans. I had plans for you,.. for us. I. I .. ___________ “Aleesha!” Ulrich screamed, his voice hoarse and filled with so much emotion. Emotion he hasn’t felt in eons. “Aleesha! Aleesha!” He says as he grabs hold of her still warm body. He presses her close to his chest. He tries his hardest to feel a pulse, and when he does indeed find it, it gives him so much hope. But then it fades, as he feels the pulse fading, and her life ebbing away. Aleesha coughs up blood, it hits Ulrich’s face and he ignores it. Her blood is warm to the touch, it is no longer scalding. “For. For you, I’d give up... everything..” She says with a strained smile that looks like the happiest smile she has ever made. She can finally tell him, face to face, person to person, her long held within words. “I’d give up... everything. Including..” Another cough, it again splashed against Ulrich’s face. It is cold to the touch, with only hints of heat. “My future..” “I don’t want your fucking future! I don’t want it! I don’t want it. Why! Stop! I! AGHAHHTHAHSHHAHHGGGGJHHRHEHGG.” Ulrich screams, it’s been so long since he’s been like this. He sounds like a child who has been denied a toy and can’t accept that he can’t have it. And soon, words escape him entirely, and all he can manage to do is scream. Scream so loudly it shatters the interior of the cave their in. Luckily, it doesn’t collapse. “I.. I’m sorry.” Aleesha now cries, having realized she’s entrusted him with a gift he can’t accept. “I’m sorry.” Aleesha no longer smiles, and cries herself. She’s disappointed and so, so spiteful of herself. She shouldn’t have said those words. But it’s too late, her life is ebbing, and she no longer has the strength to speak. Her body grows cold quickly within this dark cave. “Aleesha! Aleesha!” Ulrich holds even closer now, if she were still able to feel, it’d be uncomfortable. If she had life, her cheeks would blush at this newfound closeness. And this newfound closeness is one born due to death, a paradoxical closeness that should never be made often. _________________ ‘I.. I made her cry. In her final moments. I made her fucking cry. I’m so ashamed. I.. I could just shout her name...! That’s all I could do!..! I.. I’m a failure!!’ Tossing the book to the ground in anguish and rage, the book opens up, and reveals pages I haven’t seen during my look through of the proof of Aleesha’s existence. “My Will: I know I shouldn’t be thinking so negatively, but, I’m one who tends to think of everything. And... I’d never be satisfied if were to one day die. And have nothing left to say. So, here I am, writing this stupid thing. The journey I am going on with Ulrich is drought with Danger. My mind and heart would not feel right if I were to part ways so soon. And within life, accidents are bound to happen. I have to be prepared, yes...” I stop reading. These are her last words, I... I can’t read them yet.. For if... I never read them.... then that means she’s never spoken them... right? If I don’t read these “last words’ of hers, then that means she’ll never be gone. She’ll always be here..! Waiting for me in this book..! A sad and deranged smile plasters itself onto my face. I’m denying reality again, because I can’t. I can’t, live without you, for, I would give up everything, including my future.
Interesting choice of words, "i would give up my future" instead of "i would give up my life." Though i guess that's because she apparently has so much potential, and giving her life would make her give up on that potential as well, the potential to maybe even do what the boy wants to do on her own. Though i guess he would want to do it himself.