I started writing my own original story a while back. I am looking forward to pointers from my fellow daoists if you may.... http://royalroadl.com/fiction/4599 You may hrlp me out by commenting here or at my fiction page at rrl. Thanks ppl☺☺☺
its a bit too condensced ^^ you should put some space ^^ like sentence... sentence 2 sentence 3... ect
What @maskedcerf said. Or try keeping space between each paragraph. Also, you've forgotten to make the first letters after the fullstops capital.
I dont know anything about grammar or sentence structure. But, the synopsis feels a bit weird to me when i read it. Plus its really short, you should add some suspense without giving out the whole story.