Help me

Discussion in 'Author Discussions' started by Anvis, Jun 18, 2021.

  1. Anvis

    Anvis Well-Known Member

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    Hello
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2021
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  2. Dizaster

    Dizaster Well-Known Member

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    There's some errors in sentence construction, punctuations and tenses. Do you want me to check them for you? But that will take a while
     
  3. daisukenowaifu

    daisukenowaifu NUF's (Future) Sugar Mommy | Everyone's Unnie

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    Hello there. To write in English and garner a dedicated audience, it is vital to write properly. I read that English is your second language, and there is certainly nothing wrong with making mistakes, but perhaps you should consider getting an editor or even better, start building your writing skill first.

    Next, your main character seems very... 2D; he isn't fleshed out properly. While is it only the first chapter, I believe the first chapter is your best bet (after the blurb) at capturing your reader's attention. Even the system, doesn't seem very system-like. Perhaps you are coming up with something on your own, but that's not very clear.

    Finally, you are mostly telling the story; rather than making the reader infer from your sentences. I think you could have done more to make the setting alive and capture the reader into your world with your words. Blatantly put, you aren't "sucking" us in with your story-telling.

    These are just my two cents.
     
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  4. Anvis

    Anvis Well-Known Member

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    I know that my character is like a 2d character and the system is not system like it will be and I am improving the setting but I had a bit of an Issue in the making and i don’t know how make the readers infer from my sentence.
     
  5. DiabolicGod

    DiabolicGod Well-known lazy Member

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    I have never used grammarly, which oh so often gets recommended, but ms word has a feature to at least correct blatant mistakes. There is also a lot you can do with the settings so that you can get most of what could be written badly checked by the program.
     
  6. daisukenowaifu

    daisukenowaifu NUF's (Future) Sugar Mommy | Everyone's Unnie

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    It's good that you know all that. I am not a professional writer, but I do write a lot in my spare time. The measures I took were reading lots of books and then actively analyzing them. Language proficiency is just a test on how well you can copy from the best speakers of that language. I say read a lot, in varied genres. And then write, even if it is nonsense, everyday. The more you write, the better you'll get.

    There are books targeted for writers to better their craft. Checking them out might help, but I don't have recommendations for them.

    But for this piece, I think you should rewrite the chapter, placing yourself in the MC's shoes. Think about his senses, his emotions, the mindset. For example, if you wanted to indicate the viciousness of a character, instead of saying, "He was vicious," you might try, "He smirked at the pain coursing through her face." (I'm sorry for the cringe.) But to even understand what is necessary to engage a reader, you'd have to read more books. Otherwise, you might fall into the trap of writing purple prose and adding superfluous details
     
  7. Anvis

    Anvis Well-Known Member

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    Think you all for the advice.
     
  8. Czaech_Returns

    Czaech_Returns Well-Known Member

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    Yes, reading more books is a helpful advice. Becoming a writer comes from reading lots of book, when you try to carefully read a book, usually writer analyzes how other writers write stories, their style. At first even I did not expect it would be true but everyday is a learning process, the more you read the more you know but once you start writing the more you try to vision many possibilities of making a good flow. You'll get there. Being patient is important also and good luck.
     
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