Short Story I got reincarnated, BUT WHY AM I A HAREM PROTAGONIST?!? (rewrite)

Discussion in 'Community Creations' started by Sager, Sep 6, 2017.

  1. Sager

    Sager Active Member

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    this is a rewrite I fixed some problems with the first chapter changed some thing and add some extra scenes please enjoy!
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    I chucked the manga I was reading into the ground
    god dammit, another shit harem story.

    I hate harem stories.
    Every single one of them is the goddam same.
    They always start with the protagonist jerking himself off to how normal he is, till it gets to a fetish level, and of course, he's a pervert most of the time but once he gets the chance to do "it" all of a sudden becomes a pure maiden~~.
    Then they have the most beautiful girls in school fall in love with him because he helped them wipe their ass or something.
    And they always have the same kind of girls.

    The childhood friend.
    The tsundere.
    The shy clutz with big boobs.
    The mature beauty.
    His sister (because incest why not)
    And of course the Loli.
    Lolicon is a fucking disease just saying this now!.

    And what's really awful is that they can only have three endings.
    1. The protagonist chooses the first girl.
    2. He somehow convinces all the girls to stay with his boring lame limp dick ass.
    3. No ending just let the fans decide because the author is a fucking pussy.

    What was that?
    Every man's dream is a harem?
    .........
    ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!
    It cost so much just dating one girl imagine dating 3-5 at once, you can also just say goodbye to your free time.

    Harem is awful I hope I never get one
    _________________________________________
    That my friend was the rant I posted while on my phone on a NU forum at 3am while walking home, before I noticed a truck moving in front of me out of nowhere the truck came so close! and.......................................

    I DODGED IT!!

    Holy shit that was close!
    The truck slowed down
    I'm going to give that bastard a piece of my mind!

    [HEY ASSHOLE!!]

    Wait.......why is he's turning around.....

    OH SHIT OH SHIT!

    IT'S RIGHT BEHIND ME!!

    I turn back to look at the driver, he has a...a....white robe and a big beard what the hell
    ........ That was my final thought before I got run over.
    _________________________________________

    When I Woke up I realized I wasn't able to move I was in a crib.
    I reincarnated into a baby!
    what I know now is that my name is kudo........ Wtf kind of name is that.....
    Anyway, I looked around and........................................................................... ... Mm.........

    You know what ... I'M JUST GOING TO SKIP THE HOLE BABY ARC!
    I mean no one actually likes those right!
    I'm just going to skip to the actual interesting stuff okay is that cool with you, good you won't miss much trust me it'd just unimportant world building that doesn't really add anything.
    So let's just skip Sixteen years to my first day of the second year of high school

    _________________________________________

    [KUDO-KUN! KUDO-KUN!] (??)
    I wake up in the morning to sound of my
    """"""""""""""""""""""childhood friend"""""""""""""""""""""
    I had to put as many quotation marks as I could.
    Her name is Tina.
    I met her in elementary school when I beat up some ass hole for stealing my Butterfinger, apparently, he was also bullying her at the time and she just so happened to be there and thought I was saving her.
    now she's an annoying woman who follows me around everywhere, and they only thing she wants is to be my wife and that's it, no goals no dreams just wants to be my wife it's kind of sad when you think about it.
    I start walking downstairs usually I'd be woken up by my sister, but that kind of stopped after the restraining order.

    (ring-ring-ring)

    I picked up the phone

    [hii Kudo!](dad)

    [hi dad](kudo)

    [how are you?
    just kidding I don't fucking care](dad)

    [sigh.....really feeling the love dad](kudo)

    [love!? we do don't love you do you think any loving parent would actually leave their children during the most precious time of their lives where they need a prenatal figure the most!](dad)

    [yeah I get it](kudo)

    [i mean the only reason we even send money is because we have to if I could i...]

    [yeah I said I get bye dad!](kudo)

    I hung up

    ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    I walk outside to see Tina

    [geez kudo-kun you're so slow~~~~ can't you do any thing without me] (Tina)

    [..........................................] (kudo)

    [..kudo you're doing the death stare again...... ]
    (Tina)


    [...I'm sorry..] (Tina)

    [let's just go... ] (kudo)

    [hey kudo I heard there's going to be a new transfer student! ] (Tina)

    [Tina.
    I don't fucking care okay] (kudo)

    [but..but] (Tina )

    [Tina! what do I always say] (kudo)

    [... Shut the fuck up Tina ] (Tina )

    [yep let's Remember that now] (kudo)

    And that's pretty much our relationship I spend my time belittling her yet she keeps following me around, I think she might be an M.
    It's kind of gross but not enough for another restraining order, unlike my sister, I don't have any evidence to use to make the claim, again unlike my sister that meatloaf incident kind of made that case.

    I got to the school entrance and made 100% sure that my uniform is perfect as walked through.....

    [STOP RIGHT THERE! ](?? )

    [COME ON! WHAT WHAT!] (kudo)

    [your bangs are too long] (??)

    She says while a guy with hair reaching his back walks scot free
    She being the discipline comity head
    Fanie the fucking tsundere

    [fine! I'll just shave my head bald then!] (kudo)

    [NO! I LIKE YOUR HAIR] (Fanie)

    [........ You can at least try to be subtle about liking me] (kudo)

    [WHAT NO I DON'T LIKE YOU! ... I just that your hair is nice also you smell good.......
    BUT NO I DON'T LIKE YOU I NEVER DID OR Will, I HATE YOU...... Baka... ] (Fanie)

    I started to walk away as Fanie was digging a deeper hole for her self

    [WAIT!] (Fanie)

    [what is it now] (kudo)

    [I... Um.. Made too many cookies I was going to throw the rest in the trash but I thought I would give it to you..... I JUST HATE WASTING FOOD OKAY... you better be grateful..] (Fanie)

    She shoves the cookies on to me......
    Yeah no, I'm not fucking doing this.

    I chuck the cookies at Tina.

    [since these are too good for me I'll just give it to Tina she's a fucking pig anyway] (kudo)

    [wait... No.!](fanie)

    Nope too late already entered the school.

    [...... Kudo-kun I pretty sure yo-] (Tina)

    [SHUT THE FUCK UP TINA!] (kudo)

    [..](Tina)

    We walk to class.
    Tina has something to do so she went ahead of me.

    As I'm walking I spot a girl running towards me

    [Senpai!] (??)

    She's running with all her might. her boobs are juggling so hard they could be used as weapons to rival the metal gear.
    After that, she trips on fucking nothing like an idiot and falls on me........
    YEAH, RIGHT I'm the guy that can dodge a fucking truck!
    She falls on the ground.

    [....... senpai why didn't you catch me](??)

    She looks at me with tears in her eyes with a look that kind melt any frozen heart and turn even the most evil person into a saint.

    [What you want me to get hurt for you!
    there's a limit to how selfish you can be!] (kudo)

    [no...i.....I'm sorry senpai.."sniff"...](??)

    [you better be.
    So what do you want Sena] (kudo)

    [senpai I'm so sorry I.... Sniff... Sniff... I can't find the locket you gave me] (Sena)

    Oh yes, the locket.
    I found in the trash and thought it would be funny to give to her.
    She knows where I got it from but she still acts like it was a real gift

    [it's probably stuck between your boobs again.] (kudo)

    "[ah!] (sena)

    Fucking dumb ass

    I should just go...

    And right when I thought that, a strong wind came through enough to think the wind god just dropped a big one

    And Sean's panties come on full view......

    [..................... Did you see] (sena)

    [yep I did] (kudo)

    Sena has a face of embarrassment and anger

    [senpai you perv-] (sena)

    [.. And it completely ruined it for me](kudo)

    [wha-] (sena)

    [because of you and your panties I am no longer attracted to the female form] (kudo)

    [. I.] (sena)

    [I'm gay now] (kudo)

    So looks at me with utter fear and guilt when she realizes she's so unattractive to me that she made me gay.

    [senpai.... I'm soo sorry I didn-] (sena)

    Too late I walked away
    But really though you have to be an extreme virgin if panties turn you on.



    After that, I finally got to class

    _________________________________________

    Class hasn't started yet so I sit down and
    Pulled out all my things when....

    [onii-chan good morning] (??)

    Onii-chan your fucking ass....
    Is what I would like to say but I'm pretty sure the cops would want to talk to me afterward.

    I look at the little girl who looks no more than twelve.
    Why is a twelve-year-old in high school because Genius blah blah prodigy blah blah inventor you know the drill if you read any harem manga.

    [good morning Lin] (kudo)

    I'm trying my fucking hardest to be nice right now because she's the principal's daughter
    I met her when I got into trouble when I shoved a bunch of grasshopper down a guys throat. Because he was annoyingly suggesting that Tina was my girlfriend.

    My punishment was having to help this brat with her experiments....................
    It's not as cool as you think.
    I was trying to be as nice as possible so I wouldn't be expelled from school.
    That kind of back fired....

    [Lin can you stop calling me onii-chan] (kudo)

    Before I fucking throw up

    [Nope... Unless you want to be called darling instead ] (Lin)

    I throw up in my mouth oh God this 12-year-old is hitting on me and it feels so gross

    [let's stick with onii-chan] (kudo)

    RING~~~ RING~~~

    the bell rings and I take a seat as fast as I could just as the teacher walks in


    [alright kids a new student is going to be
    joining us] (teacher)

    [I hope it's cute girl! ] (virgin douchebag)

    [introduced yourself] (teacher)

    A girl walked in she had sharp eyes and a beautiful face.
    When I saw her I immediately I thought...
    She looks like the kind of person that pretends not to care but is actually very insecure.
    [Hello my name is Elizabeth] (Elizabeth)

    [please tell us about yourself] (teacher)

    [yes I like reading and drinking tea....
    I'm also kudo-san's fiance] (Elizabeth)

    [WHAAAT!! ] (Tina)

    [................] (Lin)


    What we're doing this now
    talk about cliche and isn't that for the second arc when the author runs out of ideas........
    Well looks like I got to deal with this now.........

    ....... I really hate harem
    ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    {meanwhile}

    [WOOO GOT ANOTHER ONE!](???)

    [um....boss](???)

    [i should have made humans invent truck years ago haha](???)

    [.....boss you know there's an earthquake going on maybe we should....you know help.....instead of driving a truck reincarnating teenagers](???)

    [im gonna end that one into the world with a weird op power ](???)

    [and that one into a sci-fi world](???)

    [sigh...oh god..](???)

    [hmmm what is it?](god)
     
    zman, Nekura, Cite and 6 others like this.
  2. Amaruna Myu

    Amaruna Myu 『小妹妹』『Chasing Fame』

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    I was about to say
    "That's why I converted to BL"
    to your rant until I noticed it was a story.
     
    Nekura, leva, compass96 and 2 others like this.
  3. Khatulistiwa

    Khatulistiwa An Egg

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    lol damn funny :D
     
  4. WeiFish

    WeiFish Eccentric Grey Sword 『WW Vet.』

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    I didn't even read all of it but I love the premise. 10/10. Hahaha!
     
  5. NowFooMe

    NowFooMe Active Member

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    HOW DARE YOU SKIP ON SUCKING DELICIOUS MILF TITTIES!! 0/10!!!!!!
     
  6. ZhaWarudo

    ZhaWarudo TOKI WO TOMARE!!!

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    didn't read, but I think you meant transmigrated or possesed.
     
  7. shin chan

    shin chan Well-Known Member

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    2nd chapter???
    This is going to be a full fledged novel right
    You can't keep us hanging
     
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  8. bessem

    bessem Active Member

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    Sry i stopped reading after lolicon is a fucking disease. I cant support that . LOLICON IS JUSTICE . LOLICON IS LIFE

    Well to be serious my first impression is this guy is a fucking scumbag . Shit even i hate harem but theres no need to be a dick to other people. But thats also what make that char interesting. The girls are of course cliched at max lvl like it should be for this.
    No serious english fault all is well understandable just one name was misspelled. So that first chap is good waiting for the next chap
     
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  9. canaan

    canaan Well-Known Member

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    if it's me i will eat them all.
     
  10. bessem

    bessem Active Member

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    Thats what a normal three legged man will do . They seem more than willing to
     
  11. Anikiman

    Anikiman Active Member

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    0/10 skipped the Baby Arc
     
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  12. Basara

    Basara [Cat and co.] [Nyan] [Furry and Fluffy]

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    I thought I was reading a summary. Then I realized I was reading a novel. Clever girl. I continued on reading afterwards. It was hilarious.
     
  13. Exterial

    Exterial @pocketbear ,much oneesama, very friendly, kawaii.

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    didn't even read because the title is probably the most cliche thing i've heard all day.
    prob is good but you might want to rethink and get a better title because the title just makes people not want to read it.
     
  14. Warlock Of The Void

    Warlock Of The Void Member

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    This should be an actual novel
     
  15. LoliSlave

    LoliSlave The Loli Pope

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    love it!!!! so funny you got to do a 2nd chapter please!!! love it!!! ;D
     
  16. MrNebulist

    MrNebulist Well-Known Member

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    The first thing you should rewrite is that horrible title. Just because you are writing a light novel-like story doesn't mean you should also include their bad points.
    Edit: this is a parody, and I like it.
     
  17. Cite

    Cite 『Procrastinator』

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    This is fantastic.
     
  18. Pastaway

    Pastaway Member

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    Honestly, for those who are like 'rewrite the title', piss off, yeah? The title captures the essence of such a masterpiece that fan-girls (like myself) won't allow such petty criticism. Read the god damn story, you will understand.
     
    zman likes this.
  19. little king

    little king Ruler of Sloth [Neko-form]

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    Not bad just add the Yaoi tag for the finishing~
     
  20. LoliSlave

    LoliSlave The Loli Pope

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    sorry but got to agree with the others, the title really put you off from reading it, from the title seem that the story was going to be just like any other bad harem light novel, not trying to piss on the story in fact i really like the story really funny!! but yeah... a new title would be better if you can think of any :D