I must be either tired from the sleepless nights, or I'm becoming asexual the more I read or watch indecent content, particularly the most infamous tag of them all in regards to relationships. Funny, I never though fictional relationships would affect me so much, until I realize such evil exists in reality too, except not that crazy as in erotica, hopefully. Strained eyes and a tired mind. I literally feel that I'm withering and slightly disturbing waves pass through me at times or all the time? I can't tell... probably just exaggerating this, yeah. I'm currently listening to Boredom (Death Note), and strangely it makes me feel at peace or stills my wavering thoughts. It's like rain drops making circular waves at surface water. Yawns~ yeah, I think I'm just tired but if you think about it. I would probably be happy if I could be absolutely indifferent to anything sexual. I mean currently, I already have a fear towards men, then women, and eventually people in general outside this tower of mine. Now I'm beginning to feel sick or like almost vomiting sensation, when I imagine things like cheating or whatnot, especially impregnation tags with bad endings. What was once my fetish became my bane. Fucking karma right there, folks! Ha-ha. Edit: Vanilla is starting to bore me too if you're curious. Now adding poll to see results of my rambling. Edit 2: So a reply about 2 weeks of abstinence. Exercise and rest. I'm bored so I'm going to try this, and after 2 weeks. I shall test whether I lost libido or not! Have faith, comrades! Final edit: It seems asexual persons still have libido. I think I'll just rest, since being an asexual doesn't seem enticing anymore. Sigh
Watch Dawson's Creek Season 1 only Watch Moteki: The TV show You are not asexual You just got your head so far up your ass that you started to believe your own philosophical musings and you are overestimating your intelligence.
Sleep first. Think later. As for asexual... That just means that you are tired. Trust me. Been there.
I probably have low IQ, not that I'm proud of... or not. The point is, I'm asking if this is all in my head, and I'm just feeling the side effects of sleep deprivation or something else. Would be nice not to assume I'm some arrogant ass thinking smart shit, ya know? Sigh Even that is starting to bore me. Maybe I'm just tired or I really am losing my edge. Sigh
You don't need high IQ to be arrogant. Just watch Moteki, one episode is 20 minute long. You will become a believer and get your libido back. And yes, pornography is overrated( I just skimmed through your post)
The more you think the more contradiction you finds. The more contradiction you recognized the more insensitive and uncritical you became of them. Well just stop thinking too much of hypothetical things. Focus on what's right around you. This world are much simpler than you're thinking.
Tell you what, a little bit of change can help, like watch some horror for a few days, or something thrilling with some action and slice of life, then after that go out, take a walk and play games (don't watch any hentai or porno for awhile, at least two weeks), drink plenty of juice and eat lots of meat, work out a bit, within a month you will forget your problem and your desires will return even better than before
I know that very much it scares and saddens me, but to know does not mean we understand what we really know. People live. People die. They eat, excrete, drink, and urinate. They copulate to populate. Life is so simple yet our minds makes it into wonders of creation or damnation in a repeated cycle of failure or success. Why the hate? Why the greed? Why the malevolence? Why the conflict? So many answers anyone can give, yet non one can exactly pinpoint the exact answer on how to stop it all. So yeah, fuck the world; I'm just here to live and die as much how I want to. That simple, right? Yeah, but it would be best if I wasn't. Yeah, but I don't dislike it erotica wise. It's become sort of a routine now, rather than want; it's a need now to relieve stress. Also, it's not just that but writing. I'm still writing the outline for my story since it's been two years already. That is tiresome... will attempt if I can.
I fail to see enough evidence to convince me that you are asexual (don't want sexual relationships) or even aromantic (don't want romantic relationships, which are the most commonly thought of relationship). Rather, you seem to fear being in an intimate relationship due to unfounded fears of being abandoned. Rather than strictly not wanting a relationship (with no particular reason other than a lack of desire for one), you fear the potential dangers of one. If anything, you're closer to a MGTOW lol I'm not sure if cheating is as common in real life as it is in hentai, but tbh, just the cheating stories (no NTR) are kinda vanilla imo
Cheating tags does not always in distasteful endings. Cheating is not the most infamous tag, rather it's actually well accepted but that heavily depends on the context of the story. As for the fear of being in an intimate relationship, I'm not looking to be in a relationship. Such commitment is above me, not to say I would be a terrible romantic interest even though I am (I lack love though I'm loyal as hell). It's more of I'm the person that would burn the bridge if needed be for my self-preservation. I did so before (with friendship?), and I would do it again. I'm not that oppose to men getting married as well, since not all women are snakes, just like not all men are wolves. As for the abandonment part, I'm already abandoned, so I'm here to rot in the tower (house). So yeah, I don't need to fear if I never wanted to attempt it in the first place. Emotional investment towards real people is a waste in my eyes (including myself). To each their own paradise and hell, I tell ya.
Hm? I never said that cheating = bad end. There's cheating stories without NTR. I'm just saying that cheating alone/by itself is too vanilla for my tastes. I meant that the group which I felt you were most similar to was MGTOW, not necessarily that I would place you in that group. MGTOW, to my knowledge, is a group of men who do not want to get married (and do not enter relationships) because of the possibility of women abusing the legal system in their favor (in areas such as divorce). I that that you not wanting to get into a relationship because they may cheat, etc. is a similar idea. It's not that all women are snakes or all men or wolves, but there's a possibility that the women you date is a snake or the man you date is a wolf (which is why MGTOW men don't get married or don't date), and that they will cheat on you. Non-asexual/aromantic people may also not be looking to be in a relationship, but that does not mean that they feel no sexual attraction or romantic attraction (which would make them asexual or aromantic respectively).
This is what I'm aspiring to become; a person incapable of sexual attraction towards sexes. Except I find my attraction towards the opposite sex a constant reminder of how much a failure I am, though said attraction is mostly towards fictional females. Sigh Clearly this is my hormones speaking, but I find such biological function unnecessary, in the truth of everything. I ultimately desire the state of nothingness, since I'm currently human, therefore I think and act like a human. Anyways, I'm not saying I'm asexual, but the potential of becoming asexual will be tested after two weeks of abstinence, and proper routine. If my libido rises, then I was just tired, and if not, then hello new world~
Stop right here. You currently sound like one of those emo kids who threaten suicide just because they claim 'the world won't understand them'. Blacklist novelupdates, webnovel, wuxiaworld, volare, scribblehub or whatever else you currently religiously visit. You have been too stuck in fantasy that you are unable to live outside them. Go out, sit on a bench at the park, go swimming or just walk. What you are feeling is what a typical shut-in who hasn't left his room for a month is feeling. When you do not leave your room, your brain goes bad. Go out, heck, don't come home for an entire day. Seriously, go out, don't sit inside. Leave. Now. You want to leave now. Don't think about it. Take a bath, wear clean clothes, grab your wallet and leave. Let your feet tell you where to go. BTW, you are not asexual. You simply has no interest in real life.
I think being asexual is something that you are and not really something that you become. It is no failure on your part if you feel attraction, sexually or romantically, even towards fictional characters. Regardless, there's no need for you to enter a relationship if you do not desire one.
Fictional characters kind of bend the typical rules of sexuality anyway, so you could be aroused by them even if you were asexual. Also, as someone who identified as asexual for most of her life and only recently realised she's demisexual (also on the asexual spectrum): I think you're glorifying it a bit too much. You'll still have a sex drive, it just won't be aimed at anyone in particular.
Well, damn. Being told that is more depressing than me not being asexual. No interest in life? You're probably right. Nah. I've been in this tower from last year to new years. The outside is too real. Irreversible. Thanks for the advice though, will measure it later. I thought you can become one through mental scarring, thus said Google? Seriously? So I would still have my libido but it won't aim towards any sexes or species in particular? Ah, shit. There goes my hopes in breaking off lust. Sigh