So guys, I need a little help. I am kinda introvert and I have like anxiety issues. Like I start sweating and tremoring at occasions like during exams or talking to someone or being in a crowd. So I was like during this pandemic and lockdown going on, I wanted to improve my anxiety by communicating with others. Not chat or anything, but actual conversation. My sister told me that maybe you can have a jams session or any discussion regarding topic or any lectures or anything like that with strangers and audience. And it might help cause you are never gonna meet these people. Coz I literally break down for 3 to 4 hours after speaking to someone. Like having regrets why did I say that... Why am I like that?! I have tried giving speech in my school and I saw the crowd and literally blanked out for like 5 minutes and it left a huge psychological shadow on me. And you know the whispers and laughters of people. It was pretty tough for me who was trying to come out of her comfort zone. The community wasn't really helpful. My anxiety issue got worsened over the period of time. And I am in university right now and it is very hard for me when I see others and have better ideas but I can't implement it or put them forward because I get so stressed. Sometimes its so bad that I breakdown and start crying and thats not even if I want to. I do it unconsciously. So any community where you can freely speak or anything that would help. Coz before the colleges reopen and with my exams going on I want to atleast try to behave a little normal and try to stop tremors while speaking to someone. And atleast be a little confident. Any suggestions would also be good. Thanks!
I do the same this I keep one of my nails really long and stab myself with it and use the pain to distract myself from my anxiety when talking with other people
That must be hard on you. You're amazing to keep on trying! I agree with your sister, practicing with strangers online can be useful. Do you play games? You could do live streams on twitch. There are probably other platforms that offer such services on other subjects, but I don't know them.
Try to find people who have similar interests to you. Does your school have any clubs with your interests? If so, try going to a meeting. You don’t have to talk until you’re comfortable, just show up. Or, since you’re here, I presume you like reading. Next time you see someone reading a book, why not try asking them what it’s about? Ask them if they’re enjoying it. Say that you like reading too and are interested if that book’s any good.
You are literally in a community right now and you are talking with strangers from around the world, try to do this more, come talk to me on my profile if you want, I always welcome guests XD Also, remember whatever feelings that gave you courage to make this thread next time you go public and you will be good XD
I am in university. There are no such clubs. As per the novels, very few of the people I know read them and strangers I am not sure. And I am not really comfortable like speaking to them like face to face. Idk how to start and I tend to overthink a lot. It is easy to start a conversation but I go under the radar and start thinking over every single point of conversation and start brooding over it. That is very very difficult part of me where at the end of it, I think may be it was better to not have started anything. Look at the trouble you are brewing yourself
I really wish I could play games and all but I just can't. Live streaming and all I don't think I can do it. I am not good at those games and I really don't have the luxury for games. Frankly it's easy for me to chat but if you start an actual conversation, I think I forget the ability to form sentences as we go. Fake laughs... Hysterical! Not like 1 to 1. But giving a seminar lecture or speech is tough. Which feels kinda basic to almost all my friends and colleagues. With the current zoom and online classes going on... I thought maybe there is some sort of community out there that is interested in prep talks and allow people to just casually give a little speech or discuss a topic which might be helpful for me to speak out and bring a little knowledge or awareness about some topic where you can volunteer. Any guesses or clues?!
If you're in university, the easiest people to start talking to are the people who sit next to you in class. A simple, "Good morning, etc" and then transitioning to topics about class or if you were having trouble etc is acceptable behavior for most people. Or, if you are one of those people that show up early to lecture, you could talk to the others that show up early too with the same conversation I just mentioned. If you get comfortable enough with them, you can start talking about other small stuff, and you can become what I call class friends, AKA slightly better than acquaintances and a menial friendship that can transfer to other classes you take together. Sometimes you can actually find a decent friend that way, too. Just keep in mind, if people brush you off for small talk, it isn't because they hate you or don't like you. It's probably just because they aren't in the mood for some reason, and it usually isn't something personal towards you. Just know to relax and realistically read the mood when you talk to someone new.
* With respect to public speaking, keep firmly in mind that the information is not about you. It's about getting the information to the crowd for their benefit. If your presentation sucks, make it informative & good enough to inform the crowd. If the assigned topic is stupid, make the presentation interesting enough to keep most of the audience awake & make yourself a Powerpoint ranger that they can look up to & emulate. As for practice venues, you can start podcasting to speak to an audience. There might be a chapter of Toastmasters around, who practice public speaking. See if there are any clubs for public speaking. There are also business seminars, see if they have student pricing. * In conversations, try listening more than speaking. Really listen to their words, so that you are thinking about what they are saying and not what your response will be. When getting started, one rule of thumb is to listen to at least three sentences for every one you say. * If you have a running internal dialogue about yourself, monitor that internal dialogue. This is common with introspective types. When you do something wrong, do you say "I suck", which is targeted at yourself as a person rather than the action/motivation? Outside of a dire crime/mortal sin, behavior defines a person, not a single action. Do you use the words always or every time? These absolute terms can self sabotage. Being a perfectionist is a screwed up combination of the two (I used to try to be one), because the perfectionist invests their ego in acting flawlessly & over reacts when something goes wrong. Using extreme language creates the habit of thinking in absolute terms. This leads to being out of step with everyone else & over-reacting, which puts your demeanor even further from normal. This is one of the major tools of cognitive therapy is to moderate that internal dialogue and moderate the reactions. * Watch out for psychosomatic cues. If your breathing goes haywire, control that. In the extreme, focus on exhaling. Your body automatically inhales; otherwise, you pass out & don't have to worry about it. Running or swimming could also help you with your breathing if that is your problem. If you don't like your body image, then try to improve that: improved grooming or better self care in general. I'm not trying to insult you, there are people who find it too bothersome to bathe or brush their teeth on a regular basis (don't forget to floss). * If problems persist, learn more about yourself. Queendom.com has IQ tests. It is tiresome for a 100 IQ person to communicate with a 85 IQ person for an extended amount of time. That's one standard dev. A difference of 3-4 standard dev is like another species. If your are a male, there were also good Voxiversity videos about the social-sexual hierarchy that might still be up. Having a mental model of how people in groups behave may be helpful. * If you're still get stuck in a rut, I will pass along advice that I've heard: 1. go to a gym. Try some boxing. Think of it this way. Getting hit gives you the worst case scenario. Compared to that, words will seem like less of a challenge. 2. go to a therapist In any case, there are many things to try, but above all, get out there.
and a book club at your town's library? Maybe you can try out acting classes? Sometimes it's easier because you play a role and not your real self and that role protects you. I find acting makes talking in public a lot easier, you can act out who you want to be perceived as in public occasions, and it's a fun hobby. And I agree with above, therapy is a great help. Therapists have good methods on relationship matters.
I find your situation really sympathetic since I've also suffered a lot from social anxiety over my life, and I tried similar things in order to improve the situation. For example in high school I also joined my school's speech club to no good effect. Later in college it was so bad I'd sometimes I'd sometimes go hide out in my car shaking, or crying, while waiting for particularly painful anxiety attacks to pass. Anyways, my advice to you is not to push yourself too hard into social situations hoping to solve the problem through exposure therapy. It never worked for me, and ultimately just made everything worse. Eventually because I kept forcing myself, it got to be too much, and I ended up drinking to alleviate the anxiety. This was only a temporary relief though, and ultimately just made everything in my life worse. Definitely not a real solution to the problem, and I would not suggest it. If I could talk to my past self I'd tell myself not to push myself so far outside of my comfort zone, and that I shouldn't care so much about other people, and what they think about me, or anything else really. You can't control how other people view you, so it's better not to care so much, and try focusing more on yourself. Anyways, most of my anxiety faded over the passing years, and changing perspectives. I hope you can get through it as well.
I also need help but I need help with stuttering. I always stutter while talking to other people for some reason. I can talk to myself quite easily but whenever I talk to someone else my brain just goes haywire.
This sounds more like social anxiety rather than introversion. (Disclaimer regarding the social anxiety part: this is my personal opinion and I do not have the expertise to do any kind diagnosis. Even if I did, I wouldn't have enough information just from this thread.) Here is some advice I found on the internet. I think they're probably more helpful than what I can come up with on the spot. I'd recommend seeking professional help if it gets to be debilitating or if you feel like that would be the right move for you. My personal opinion is that building up self-confidence and self-love might make you feel more comfortable in your skin when you're in front of and interacting with other people. I would also say to take things one step at a time and be patient with yourself during this process because it might take a while and that can be frustrating at times but baby steps are still steps.
I'm an intro... i don't like big crowd and dun like public speaking. But I can if I have to do it (my job requires me to be extro). It's always difficult to speak in big groups. 1. Start with small group, maybe 1-2 ppl and slowly work your way to bigger crowd. 2. Stick with group with similar interest or things that you're passionate about so it's easier to find common topics. 3. For public speaking, practise and practise and make sure you know your stuff. Knowledge breeds confidence and remember that no one knows more about your speech/work than you.