A stormy night is ongoing at my residence, and by a whim I had the urge to write a shounen-like scenario. The protagonist uses the cliche power-up from a higher dimensional being to level the playing field against his enemy while cliche heroine is observing the fight while cursing her powerlessness. This but an unremarkable fiction, because it was written out of boredom and slight motivation from Fate's Saber Alter and Hercules Lost Butterfly music battle. I have horrid writing skills and poor grammar, but I plead to you to show me my errs, so that if the dawn of inspiration returns to me, I can write something better than before's twilight. Spoiler: Chapter XX THE PROMISED TWILIGHT, THE PROMISE BROKEN! It was useless. Whatever action he sought to bring change in this disadvantageous situation were all in vain. His movements were seen through. It felt like his whole being was laid bare before the humanoid monster. This platinum disaster clad in knight’s armor arrogantly gazing at him from afar the wreckage of silver-ashen grounds and scattered debris everywhere. What path would lead to his victory? And what victory should he desire to acquire? A victory of him surviving this ordeal as he ran for it like a injured animal? A victory of him claiming his opponent’s head with his lasting strength? Such victories which brought him unscathed endings were but false hopes driven deep in him, because he was powerless. He was anything but an opponent to this monstrous knight clad in gleaming platinum. It could not be said he was weak. It was just his enemy, his foe was one of the truly mightiest existences in this realm if not the strongest of them all. Compared to his previous encounters with sacred holders or contract users, this was not even considered a fight. It was akin to an apex animal preying on some lowly animal’s ill fated encounter with such a behemoth strength. This will not do! His plans formulating in his mind quickly all resulted in failure — death! Complete defeat! Total annihilation! Everything up to now would end with his death. Unable to resist and to fall so powerlessly like some nobody. Grinding his teeth until it stared bleeding. And with bloodshot eyes filled with nothing but raving madness and zealous hope. He had no other choice but to rely on it. He promised to never even attempt in recalling the accursed power. He promised them that he would die bravely and do all his best in living. He promised… promised… her! Alas, such promises were meant to broken in hopeless battles like this. Feeling the sense of forfeit and defeat consuming him. He only silently prayed forgiveness to everyone for his undoing. He can only blame himself for having such misfortune in this life. Thinking of nothing but regrets piling up and surging through him with a weight heavier than the broken armor on him. He lifted the fractured sword with his silver-burned arms as he did a reverse grip on the hilt. Facing his final enemy as a human — mortal-kin. He shouted with reluctance and despair accompanied by rage and relentlessness. “EXECUTION! (MAGIC-WRITE: Spell activation commencing!) EXTINCTION! (MAGIC-REWRITE: Spell reformation commencing!) HOLY! (MAGIC-OVERWRITE: (Spell materialization commencing!)” —> Catching up her breath as she continued running towards the surge of malevolent energy crushing like waves after waves. She knew it was all too late to stop it all. She hoped it was a misplaced fear, but knowing who he was fighting against, she could only hold her tears and bite her lips. Run. Run. Run. She cared not for the thorns scraping her or the mountainous path delaying her rushed attempt to calm her uneasy heart. It did not matter if she furthered hurt herself in doing so, because someone else was burdened with far greater agony than her. It was a mistake that should have never happened, but it did. Fate was cruel enough to bind them, but only to sever them forcefully by the forces that protected this world she was born in. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Crackling sounds of lightning and claps of thunder roared throughout the dark skies. Vile tempest of distortion wreaking havoc on all creation! Raining droplets of toxic rain. Melting the land into wastes of death. These chaotic elements were filling up the air with deep and unending malice! Immense amounts enough to flood her surroundings from the source of it all — him. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. RUN! RUN! RUN! A pity it was for her and everyone else currently here. The gods wanted a battle between monsters, and so as the gods willed, it shall happen! Arriving late at her destination, she wept as she knelt on the burnt ground. Tears evaporated the moment they came out. Sweat and even the breath of life was exhausting itself around the two monstrosities. It was far, far too late indeed. He promised her, but as heaven abandoned her, and so did he, because all she was — —> The platinum knight felt only boredom and disappointment until his prey suddenly shouted an unknown spell incantation. What followed after was a burst of darkness that even his silver-flame could not burn or piece through. The light of his silver-flames were temporarily swallowed whole in that burst of vile energy. He was astonished to such an outcome, because what replaced his weak prey was another of overpowering might. Power enough to even terrify him yet this was not enough to perturb this platinum knight. He had faced far countless existences more terrifying than this and yet… yet… something deep inside his blood was screeching at him to run away as far as the horizons end. “Nonsense… to think I would feel fear from just a change in aura?” He murmured to reassure himself that it was just a momentary lapse of misjudging his prey turned enemy. Bursting with silver-flames that rivaled the dark surge of power coming from this newly formed knight in deep obsidian. “No matter, pest. I will deliver judgment unto you now. Be free to regret in the under-realm.” —> What had changed in him? He did not know. He was currently incapable of any mental faculty. His mind stopped right after the explosion of his material soul. He was alive yet he was also dead. He had reached the boundary between this realm and the under-realm, but this was only a temporary state. What was currently holding his form in this realm was the unchained evil he had summoned deep his dragons heart. The bindings undone and the seal finally collapsed, all that was left was the eradication of his mightiest foe. Alas, he would not be able to see it, because though he was without a state of mind, the emotions flooding him kept him conscious albeit trapped in unending torment. Rage. Hatred. Fear. Loss. Despair. Resentment. Melancholia. Hope. Vindictive. Righteous. Vengeful. Wrathful. Envious. Lustful. Gluttonous. Prideful. Idle. So much negativity assaulted him as he drowned in the bitter vortex of lake-fire. Underneath the agonizing torrent of malevolence was the source of all these immense emotions and power. Golden deep eyes that were radiant as the sun, though corrupted in black fires as the slit in between unraveled only chaos and destruction. Outside his mind, his body had transform to that of a scaled knight of grim-fire. Darkness etched unto him and cryptic symbols were flickering all over his armor. A fin-like mane with claws accompanied at parts of his armor, he resembled an aquamarine knight of the deep. An intense heat emanated from him enough to melt the ground and boil even the air. The broken sword was gone, and replaced with an exotic dark lance pulsing with a spiraling lava-like glow from the base towards the tip of the weapon.
You could break down some of the run-on sentences. Also, some sentences felt incomplete as if a word or two were missing.
This is my opnion, whether you heed it or not is your decision (I will just suggest few corrections or where I think you should do minor changes to some lines) It was akin to an apex animal preying on some lowly animal’s ill fated encounter with such a behemoth strength: this line can use a bit of change (in my opnion, the meaning is there but badly expressed, well, it is a bit confusing to me ) so powerlessly like some nobody: I think it should be 'like a nobody' rather than 'some nobody' (albeit I think you could use a better metaphor or expression here) He only silently prayed forgiveness to everyone for his undoing: meaning is a bit unclear here she furthered hurt herself in doing so: I think it should be 'she further hurt herself by doing so' (MAGIC-OVERWRITE: (Spell materialization commencing!): missing parentheses (sorry I am a bit of a perfectionist and thought I should tell you that there is one missing)