[Poll] A Sense of Debt

Today we're on a fire!! Normally I try not to do more than one poll a day, but it's been a long time since I did a poll spree so pardon me as I splurge a bit!

This is the counterpart poll to the [Poll] The Value of a Human Life thread. If you haven't seen the scenario in that thread, you should go read it first.

Here's the continuation to our TV drama...

One day you wake up and it turns out you were in the hospital because you were hit by Truck-kun. Apparently, the injuries were very severe and you were unconscious for many days.

The person for responsible for saving your life is your boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other.

In order to pay for your outrageous astronomical medical bills, they sold a kidney and three quarters of their liver on the black market. Consequently, they paid the entirety of your medical bills without going into debt.

However... there's a little bit of a problem.

You don't actually like your boyfriend/girlfriend from a romantic/sexual perspective. Rather, you were originally only dating because you liked them as a friend and wanted to give a relationship a chance after they originally confessed to you. After dating for four years, you tried really hard to make it work, but you feel like there are some major incompatibilities. You can also tell that s/he likes and cares about you a lot.

Recently, s/he expressed a desire and proposed to get married with you, and you are conflicted.

One major barrier is the fact that you are sure that you are not sexually interested in your partner. Initially, you were curious if you would develop a sexual interest over time, but that was not the case. You have tried certain intimate activities with them but you don't get the *doki-doki* feeling when doing it.

The one redeeming aspect of your relationship is that you are very good friends. You feel like you can talk casually about anything and you enjoy each other's company. You also know various secrets about each other and share a lot of trust with each other.

You are personally worried that one day you might develop a sexual attraction for someone else.

What is your response to your partner's marriage proposal?
​

Note: Assume that your boyfriend/girlfriend is totally average in every single other quality. Consequently, it is a not an important consideration for whether or not you would marry them.

 

I'd definitely ask for more time to think about it, for my head would be at a complete mess at the time.

It's really hard for me to come up with an answer though, because... I never felt this way towards a person? Like... The two times I dated I was head over heels for my significant other and had no thoughts of breaking up until the very end, I can't imagine dating someone I'm not totally in love with because my only relationships had a very deep emotional attachment on my part.

... If I were to be perfectly honest, I believe my decision would primarily be based on our views on parenting. If they were similar enough, I believe I could marry them, but if the major incompatibilities involved child-raising, then we'd probably need to part ways... I can't imagine raising a child with someone that heavily disagrees with me on the topic.

I mean, I'd feel like shit for doing so though, like... They saved my life after all. And at a big cost... But if the major incompatibility reaches the point that it will be harmful to not only me, but also to my child? Then I can't make a concession there...

I don't think I can give a concrete answer without actually living through it, but that's what I think would be the defining factor for me.

 

I wonder how people who've actually been in very long term relationships will answer vs people who have yet to be in* that kind of situation.

You learn some things after spending a couple years living with someone, probably the most important one being that relationships can sometimes take a lot of work to maintain. That *doki doki* feeling isn't everything, it can be rather fleeting. And also so what if you're attracted to someone else, it happens and that doesn't mean you have to act on it, ever.

 

Getting married will yield best results if your SO is a partner and not just your wife/husband. a lot of people stop treating their SO a certain way because they think that marriage means you no longer have to try which is false. being married is best described as volleyball 2vs2 each person has a role each person must play that role without overstepping out of their bounds and you will sometimes bump into each other and playing the blame game gets you nowhere you need to get up and figure out what you both did and fix it so that you don't bump into each other. rinse and repeat. that is marriage.

 

I'm currently in a very long term relationship and I feel like I can't even answer properly because I'd just be projecting my own SO into the scenario -- in which case the response is automatically biased to "yes".

At the same time though, @AliceShiki's response pointed out that "major incompatibilities" is incredibly vaguely defined, and can mean many things. Child raising is one example, smoking/marijuana/alcohol is another, as there are dozens and dozens that can mean something to different person on a case-by-case basis.

...It helped me realize that maybe I shouldn't jump so fast onto the poll just because I subconsciously probably want to fantasize about marriage working out with my current long term relationship. The wishful thinking colors my thought process, I think.

 

even for this type of poll thread, this particular one is so ridiculously out there that it even breaks my suspension of disbelief somehow.

Kinda feels like it's a "torture yourself or torture your SO" question.

 

I can’t imagine dating someone for four years if a) there were such major incompatibilities and b) I didn’t love them as more than a friend. I think you’re really doing both of yourselves a disservice to be dating that long in that situation.

Then again, I’ve only had one relationship that lasted beyond a few months, and that’s my current husband, so perhaps I’m not the best person to be talking here.

 

I won't accept it. It isn't your responsibility to reciprocate someone who love you. Other than that, if he tries to use the fact that he is my benefactor to make me agree, thats even more of a red flag for me to leave him.
If you do something will hoping for something in return--simple, you dont do it out of kindness.

 

"Timely help is the most expensive thing in the world"
Interpret it as you see fit
XD

 

No!
Nay~
get help and marriage are two different thing~
unless truck-chan made severe damage toward my mind which influence my current personality
that your answer~

I have lil to none interest toward sexual thing despite I like ero game, porn, hentai and such but when it touch irl my respond will be

can I eat it? so meh~
as for best friend helping each other like that situation~ hmm live and death thing or dire financial~ been there done that without love love thing so meh~

hence conclusion

 

Mhm, yeah, that said, a lot of couples are in quite complicated positions.

Some people aren't very good at removing themselves from unhealthy relationships, and they can end up staying in them for quite a long time, even though there may be a lot of *headtilts* at how they managed to stay for so long.

...I can think of several examples from my friends... or something similar...

I think the reality is that feelings can get very complicated.

 

Nope.
This scenario only work on fiction such as visual novel with archtype of sick girl route.
You wont on relationship with the person you dont like- Unless you got on debt with her and try to with her in the first place. But this stuff isnt really work the debt increase and forced you to marriage her out of kindness. Because marriage are final line.
If i marry her out of pity, i couldnt have such happy life and neither she wont like it if she truly like me.
Not even this stuff is possible in first place, wtf sold kidney for bills. I wont like what she does for me, at all.

 

The precise scenario is quite artificial, but the situation itself (at least imo) is fairly realistic.

It's not that uncommon to have a feeling or sense of debt to someone you are dating.

Maybe you feel like you owe a lot to them, because they did a lot for you when things were particularly baddddd for you.

However, maybe one day in the future you're considering breaking up, and you're revisiting those feelings about how much you appreciated what they did for you. Does it make you pause and think twice to any degree?

 

I would break up with them, but I wouldn't abandon them to their fate. I would pay them back for all the money, and help them get a new love. 4 years to see if I'm compatible with my lover seems too much to me.

 

Have you heard those stories of friends being friends for 10 years or more and then finally screwing it and getting married because at this rate they don't think they'll find anyone else?

...I can kind of relate to this. I've been dating the same person for seven years! And we've known each other for more than fifteen!

Obviously we're not a match made in heaven, and we've had a lot of major issues, but without question we see each other as the people who we trust the most in the world. And also best friends.

I've seen this plot happen before...

 

"Pushing them to find new love has opened my eyes to how much I love them!" -The (blind to love) protagonist.

 

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

https://house.fandom.com/vi/wiki/Sleeping_Dogs_Lie

“Cameron tells the girlfriend the diagnosis. The girlfriend knew all along that the patient was going to leave her. She gave up her liver to keep her girlfriend from leaving.”

 

First choice of course. What hesitation to be have when the other party has proved how far they are willing to go for your sake.

 

You don't need more than a year of dating to decide whether to marry someone.
I know girls who fell for the dating as long as you can crap:
Both dated throughout college and then broke up
The dude meets a new girl and marries her after 6 months.
Why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free.
Of course the new girl is younger..what a Shocker..NOT!

 

Yes, I will. @AliceShiki can probably tell you all about my feelings of indebtedness... but basically, if my partner sacrificed so much just to save my life then I will definitely spend the rest of that life trying to make them happy. If we're majorly incompatible then so be it; half of the blame is on me anyway for letting 4 years pass by just like that. Besides, they like me and they wouldn't be a bad person if we're very good friends (that's practically being best friends) and we trust each other a lot. Isn't trust is the most important foundation of a relationship?

I will, of course, be honest and tell everything to them --- what I really think about us, my misgivings, my worries, my gratitude and my resolution. If they can still accept that and are willing to get married then okay.