hey guys, first post from a now ex-lurker on forums and the review section. So i was reading another thread about things that Xianxia genre lacks ,one being a good villain. I wanted to write a story for some time and here's my first attempt. I have some following stuff written but its a work in progress and i wanted opinions on my writing style. Actually i feel like i lack creativity to be a writer but i think my forte is writing relatable characters.If i can do it, its supposed to be a cultivation novel. I have a plot line written out and some exposition of the world building. without going into the details,(not yet written but you can give me your opinions anyway i based it on different xianxia authors that i feel is good at certain aspects of writing and some universes that have cool and interesting concepts for example the cultivation system on skyfire avenue which is different powers for every individual, certain arcs in i shall seal the heavens were really good such as the blood demon arc and the violet east arc, so i want to put the main character in similar situations but have him react differently.In coiling dragon alice is a very interesting character and i want to put my own version of her in. The main character will gradually evolve as the story goes on. I like the idea that the MC will slowly change over the course of the story and i have seen many novels that try to do this and fail. The way i want to do it is to just show that the mc behaves differently in similar situations without explicitly saying it. For example in desolate era, from a saint to a murderer only took less than 10 chapters. Most often they will use a line such as due to circumstances he has change to become..... i always felt that that was a bad way to use this concept. I noticed that people hate when the mc gets powerful too fast or too slow, but to be honest to me the only time the novel is interesting is when there is a challenge. After he becomes an immortal or finishes his cultivation or whatever the novel become really boring and stale to me. apart from that in xianxia i often notice how the mc is either alone or with love interest/s, while in korean novels they form bonds with strangers and eventually they become main/semi-main characters that travel/have lots of relationship with mc as equals. For example in both coiling dragon and stellar transformations the mc is the "boss" and in issth the mc is mostly alone other than infrequent meetings with past friends.i think a team of people with each their own personalities from korean novels such as arena, evolution theory of the hunter and life mission would be interesting. Oh yeah and i want to try and come up with a combat system that doesnt use ability names. The basic idea is that i want to try and change and adapt from alot of different novels to make something that is not flawed. On top of stealing general concepts from famous authors i want to present my own style of writing which is a moral dilemma where both the main character and antagonist are correct showing that the world is a flawed place where achieving your own desire requires you to trample over that of others.My goal is to let the reader think about whether the main character is actually the good guy despite how he is portrayed. My worry is that some people may not get it or disagree with my opinion making it less enjoyable for them. Chinese is my second language and i am decently proficient although less than my English. The first paragraph is the "current situation" but the way i planned it out i will be a long while before it gets that far. The reason why i put it in is because I've never seen this time of flashback start before. here it is! "How many days has it been since I last saw the sun..." A figure sitting on the floor muttered. He rubbed his finger on the wall in front of him, feeling the marks there. He had scratched a mark there for everyday he had been trapped in this hellhole and now the whole wall was a jungle of marks. The marks on the wall showed that he had been in this tiny inescapable hellhole for a year already. “How did this happen...”he sighed. Many years before this…a baby boy was born to a son of two wealthy individuals. Both parents were fierce warriors, skilled in the art of war and made their living through battle. However both parents lost their lives in a tragic clash where their whole tribe’s warriors were annihilated. Whenever the parents went out to fight they would leave their child with a caretaker in the small village where they lived in the mountains. However, on that day when the caretaker heard the news of all the warriors being killed she fled in a hurry leaving the boy behind. When the assailants who killed the boy’s parents arrived to destroy the rest of the village, they found the child abandoned and wailing for his parents. They had no mercy to spare for their enemies children but when their leader a woman saw the child she felt a touch of sympathy for the innocent child and brought him to the nearest village and left him in the care of the people there. He was the only child in the village yet to leave the crib and thus the only survivor. Every other member of the tribe was hunted down and either killed or captured. The village built with so much effort was burnt down in a matter of hours with a mere flick of the wrist, never to exist again. 6 years later near a certain village…, a small boy was lying on a hill staring at the clouds. He had no parents and thus the elders of the village given him the name Aeolus. The boy was scrawny, never having enough food as he had no one to provide for him and was forced to rely on charity from the few kind villagers that would give him money and food. He was of course the boy whose village was destroyed in the mountains. As he looked up at the sky, he mouthed a name repeatedly, over and over again, “Diana”. The village elders had told him of his origin, and how his parents died and the innocent boy swore to find that woman who saved him 6 years ago and thank her for her graciousness in saving his life. Then he would get vengeance for his parents who died so undeservingly. The elders had actually never mentioned that name but it always seemed to come to him echoing around in his head as if even as an infant he could imagine the face of the leader of the group that had massacred his parents along with his birth village. Then he got up the determined look returned to his eyes and walked back to the village. Suddenly he felt a violent impact on his shoulder, forcing him to ground and knocking the breath out of his lungs. It was the town drunk, and it was not the first time this had happened. The drunk was unshaved with stubble plastered across his chin and upper lip. His eyes were blurry but burned with seemingly unjustified hatred. He slurred, “You little orphan bastard, you are as despicable as your parents. Your disgusting face looks exactly like them.” His face was full of anger, and he stood towering over Aeolus. He then wound back and gave him a smack across the face, proceeding to rummage in Aeolus’s small bag hanging from his shoulder taking out the bread and cheese that Aeolus had been saving for his meals for the next day. Retrieving those items, he smirked as he gave Aeolus a last vicious kick in the ribs and walked away. The watching villagers looked on without sympathy, uncaring of what happened to him even as he writhed in agony. Aeolus wound up in pain, clutching his aching ribs on the dusty ground. ”Crazy drunk, you have never even seen my parents!”. Aeolus thought to himself. However, he did not feel hate. He could sympathise with the drunk despite all the times he had been mistreated by him. The drunk used to be a proud man, part of the city guard, a noble profession, protecting the villagers from outside threats such as demons or bandits. But one day 6 years ago, a large group of powerful bandits swarmed the village, plundering and looting. He fought bravely warding off wave after wave of bandits but eventually his strength ran out and fell to the bandits. The bandit leader in vengeance for her former subordinates killed his wife and only daughter, and cut off one of his arms leaving him bleeding next to the numerous corpses left behind. Since then he fell into depravity drowning himself in alcohol to relieve the phantom pains in his right arm, and the loss of his precious family. No longer able to wield a sword, he was jobless and had no purpose in life. He often stared at the other village children in longing, reminiscing of what could have been. Aeolus too knew what it was like to lose a loved one, he understood the drunk wished to vent his hate on someone, especially someone not from the village. Actually there were many families who lost loved ones in that raid and held hatred for the bandits. Aeolus had grown up in the village and too felt the cruel injustice that the powerless had to go through. This village was exactly like his except the attackers were more ruthless at his village, killing everyone. Aeolus returned to his tiny broken shack built by himself where he lived alone. Ignoring the pangs of hunger and the stabs of pain he closed his eyes in meditation before drifting asleep. As he slept he cried out for his parents and a tear leaked out from behind his eyelids. Then a loud scream pierced the air, and he shot awake. His first thought, “Bandits are attacking the village again.” He was still traumatised by what had happened to his parents and for a moment was frozen in fear. Then Aeolus hastily grabbed a small dagger from his bag. In fact all of his possessions were stored in that bag as his tiny shack was insecure and often a target for other children to destroy and steal from, so he carried everything he owned around with him wherever he went. Although he was often bullied, ostracized and beaten in the village it was the only home he knew and he would defend it with his meager life. Especially for the sake of those who had shown him kindness these past few years. He ran out of his home, rusty dagger in hand, prepared for whatever was going to happen. As he glanced around in a panic, he finally found the source of the scream. He frowned at the sight before his eyes, displeased at what had woken him up. A boy of about 10 years old, older than him by more than 3 years, dressed in fine immaculate silk, followed by two similarly dressed lackeys was terrorizing a village girl who was only dressed in simple cloth wear, worn thin by years of use. Aeolus recognized her, she was in similar situation as him. She was an orphan as well, older than him by a year. She had been orphaned in the same bandit raid that destroyed the town drunk’s family and life. She was more unfortunate than him in ways as she had known her parents love before it was wrenched away from her. When the bandits raided the village, she was nearly two. At that time she was barely walking around in the house when the bandits set the house on fire for some sadistic enjoyment. It was unknown whether the bandits actually realized that there was a child in the house but the result was tragic all the same. Caught in the burning wreck, she was barely saved by other members of the village who heard her screams. But she would be forever forced to remember this incident as she was left with horrific burns marring the left side of her body and face. Children are known to be cruel to those different than them, so Aeolus and the scared girl were often victims of the other children’s mocking. Luckily for her, she was always accepted amongst the older villagers and she was looked after by an elderly couple who never had children. In the village, no commoner had enough money to spend on luxurious clothes, thus the cloth attire she wore. However compared to Aeolus who was dressed in tattered rags scavenged from rubbish, it was practically priceless. The ones picking on her were sons of some of the wealthiest men in town, the town guard captain, the owner of the local inn and the manager of the local marketplace. All three of them were rich, at least when compared to the rest of the village who had to eke out a living hand to mouth, although they were nothing compared to folks who lived in giant cities. If this gets any kind of response at all i will post the rest once i am done with it. This is just to showcase the mc's background and personality. Its rather short only a thousand words but it should convey some of what the mc is like. Please tell me what u think!! Give me the impression u have of the characters, descriptions and writing style please.
You should make it look less like a block of text and more friendly to read, i.e. add spacing and other stuff.
Nobody likes looking at walls of text. Spacing between dialogue or different descriptions would be very helpful
Managed to go through that with difficulty.....like the first two posts said, use spacing. As for my opinion about the story,, none yet. Too little to decide. The style you're talking about has been used before. For example....in the novel Celestial Employee. There are some other novels as well. Can't decide what kind of personality the MC has yet. He's still weak. Only thing I know is that he isn't like those MC's who have been bullied and are like, " gonna become strong and take revenge!!" Thats all.
Thanks for the replies. Wow since this is my first time posting anything i didnt think i would get replies so quickly. I edited it and added some spacing in between paragraphs with different subjects. I will get the next part up immediately after im done with it. Should i post the worldbuilding and plotline drafts?