The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System fan fiction

Discussion in 'Community Creations' started by alexfilia, Jun 6, 2017.

  1. Gav

    Gav [Fairy of the Garden of Evil]

    Joined:
    May 15, 2017
    Messages:
    4,845
    Likes Received:
    19,733
    Reading List:
    Link
    /pets your squishy meatbun self.

    There, there, you are in good (lurking) company.
     
    wraven881 likes this.
  2. DJdragone

    DJdragone Commander of Food/Gav's Right hand Bun/leg lord

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,072
    Likes Received:
    2,238
    Reading List:
    Link
    Im actually about to go to sleep lol its like 10:24pm here NIGHT ANY LURKER/MYTHICAL BEINGS/NORMAL PEOPLE? yea i dont know if any one here is normal
     
    Gav likes this.
  3. Gav

    Gav [Fairy of the Garden of Evil]

    Joined:
    May 15, 2017
    Messages:
    4,845
    Likes Received:
    19,733
    Reading List:
    Link
    ***
    Normally, drafting meetings took the entire day to finish. Today, thanks to 'Luo Binghe's interference, the meeting would have to end early.

    Partly because Airplane didn't really want to be stuck as the third wheel during his bro's date in the first place.

    Having assumed that Mo Bei Jun would either leave right after he had finished signing all those books of his, or move closer to Shen Yuan's 'boyfriend', he was sadly disabused of this notion when the impassive man simply sat next to him instead.

    The resulting lunch which was ordered, some dishes of italian food including pasta this time, was... uncomfortable.

    After the meal- the most uncomfortable meal which Airplane could remember having since he first left his parent's home to make a name for himself as a writer- he quickly made excuses to leave.

    Shen Yuan unhappily accepted this. (And paid the bill.)

    Airplane had assumed that this would be the end of it. Reality rudely proved him wrong, since his peripheral vision and a moment later, a glance to his side informed him that the man- Mo Bei Jun, as he introduced himself at that uncomfortable meal earlier- clearly intended to walk with him.

    Or something.

    Ohgodsohgodsohgods. Heeeeeeelp!

    Airplane smiled weakly, waved limply, shrunk slightly.... and inwardly started freaking out.
    ***
     
  4. Loriel

    Loriel [Aspiring Editor][Lover of BL][Pinata Smasher]

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2015
    Messages:
    525
    Likes Received:
    807
    Reading List:
    Link
    Ahahahaha! XD Poor Airplane
     
  5. Gav

    Gav [Fairy of the Garden of Evil]

    Joined:
    May 15, 2017
    Messages:
    4,845
    Likes Received:
    19,733
    Reading List:
    Link
    more mental trauma is yet to come.:oops: I am a horrible person.
     
    Chiiiiiiiii and Loriel like this.
  6. Matthew9999

    Matthew9999 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2017
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    421
    Reading List:
    Link
    XD this is grear
     
    Gav likes this.
  7. Gav

    Gav [Fairy of the Garden of Evil]

    Joined:
    May 15, 2017
    Messages:
    4,845
    Likes Received:
    19,733
    Reading List:
    Link
    My evil continues to flourish.
     
    Matthew9999 likes this.
  8. heartantares

    heartantares One Who Provides Uselessly Detailed Information

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2015
    Messages:
    2,525
    Likes Received:
    3,439
    Reading List:
    Link
    Horrible people are everywhere. Its so much easier to be horrible. Lucky for us you are not only horrible but also rotten*cough cough*(fujoshi)
     
    Chiiiiiiiii and Gav like this.
  9. Gav

    Gav [Fairy of the Garden of Evil]

    Joined:
    May 15, 2017
    Messages:
    4,845
    Likes Received:
    19,733
    Reading List:
    Link
    I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!

    ***
    Living in a cultivation world was very different from living in the modern era.

    In a cultivation world...let's face it. The lot of the average, run of the mill, non-cultivating human was...extremely uncomfortable to say the least.

    The poor lived in bamboo huts, shacks or rammed earth buildings. The well off merchant class could live in stone, brick and wooden houses in their courtyards, finely carved and painted. The nobles could have buildings of any material ranging from stone, wood and ceramic with ornate finishes of all kinds ranging from carvings and paintings to gold leaf detailing, and in the Imperial or royal bloodlines they generally built mansions and palaces made of the finest rare woods and sometimes even semiprecious gemstones like jade, agate or chalcedony, all decorated with gilt details.

    The jewelry of nobles was exquisite. The music could be wonderful. The many handicrafts working in paper, cloth, wood, metal, clay, bone, horn, glass, or stone were all flourishing.

    The gap between the greatest and the poorest of non cultivating mortals was vast. The gap between even the imperial houses and the cultivators was even larger. Hence, many people wanted to cultivate.

    In terms of cleanliness, the luckiest were those who could bathe in hot springs, or lived in fine noble houses wherein they had access to tubs for bathing. As for toilets, give it up, the most fortunate people had, even in the finest places, were chamber pots or mud brick privacy shelters.

    The poorest classes even shit in the streets. The sanitation was a horror and they used shit to fertilize their fields or in some memorable cases, collected shit in cesspools and fed it to pigs.

    Which, given that was their food supply they were nourishing, meant that plagues and diseases were often common sights, unholy terrors and dysentery was rife in many provinces.

    Therefore, it should have been no surprise to anyone who had ever read a history book on ancient China, that 'Luo Binghe' was absolutely fascinated by the porcelain toilet, the bidet, the sinks and the shower. All of which were modern day luxuries that would have made even some cultivators and certainly many nobles of such worlds, disturbingly covetous.

    'Luo Binghe' may have taken over the world he came from, he may have had a harem in numbers beyond counting (or so some might say) and he may have had numerous descendants, the finest jeweled and gilded palaces, furniture exquisite enough to make grown men weep from their artistry, and he may have had hot springs.

    But he also had a crappy excuse for a toilet. All of them did.

    Which meant that Shen Yuan had been quietly, inwardly freaking out when 'Luo Binghe' had asked about chamber pots... Chamber pots?!

    He couldn't help but wondering what backward community that had come from. Feeling profoundly sorry for 'Luo Binghe's entire community, he had demonstrated all the functions of the bathroom's furnishings to 'Luo Binghe' and explained what each was used for. 'Luo Binghe' had looked at the bidet and the shower and its heater...with disturbing intensity.

    He flushed the toilet five times just to see it foam and swirl. He tried out the shower. He tried out the tub. He examined every single soap and shampoo. He tried those out too.

    He took both baths and showers in the first day and a half of his settling in, and Shen Yuan had been run ragged trying to help him bathe with a pair of seemingly broken limbs and re-set up his casts. That is to say, 'Luo Binghe' went around naked far more than Shen Yuan was comfortable with, because he only had ONE PAIR of robes... and insisted on being scrubbed, and had his hair washed because-as he said with a puppy eyed expression- his arm and leg still hurt.

    A lot of skin was on offer, if Shen Yuan was interested.

    Shen Yuan would have liked to inform 'Luo Binghe' that no, it didn't matter that he was built on a heroic scale in every aspect, it didn't matter that those muscles would have made a greek god envious... Shen Yuan wasn't interested*.

    Instead, he just cursed the fickle, cruel fates in his heart.

    His medical supplies had to be replenished.

    Not that 'Luo Binghe' needed those casts, of course. He'd healed. He was just very good at faking injuries, just like he was very good at eliciting sympathy and earning trust. For poor, unknowing Shen Yuan, it was another series of tests on his temper.

    Well, that and an excuse for 'Luo Binghe' to try seducing him. Which failed miserably, given that Shen Yuan had turned interesting colors and simply avoided looking at his naked self whenever possible.

    Shen Yuan understood right then and there that his water bill was going to skyrocket.

    ***
    *because Shen Yuan was terrified of him.**
    **This is a sane and rational response to first meeting a guy who looks like a slasher film villain, okay?
    No matter how sexy they are, YOU DO NOT WANT TO MEET RL HANNIBAL LECTER.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2017
  10. Matthew9999

    Matthew9999 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2017
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    421
    Reading List:
    Link
    XD I didn't expect LBH to be so patient
     
    Gav likes this.
  11. Gav

    Gav [Fairy of the Garden of Evil]

    Joined:
    May 15, 2017
    Messages:
    4,845
    Likes Received:
    19,733
    Reading List:
    Link
    XD THIS IS ONLY THE FIRST TWO DAYS.

    If he'd tried to bend Shen Yuan over the couch, the poor bastard would have fled for his life.
    And even jumped straight out the window, if necessary.

    You do not put your dick in the crazy, man. And you don't let crazy put his dick into you. Or even let the crazy THINK they can put their dick into you. THAT LEADS TO BAD THINGS.*

    *spoiler.
     
  12. Matthew9999

    Matthew9999 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2017
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    421
    Reading List:
    Link
    Yeah your right. I'm just a prevert that can't wait to read about LBH jumping the MC.
     
    Gav likes this.
  13. Gav

    Gav [Fairy of the Garden of Evil]

    Joined:
    May 15, 2017
    Messages:
    4,845
    Likes Received:
    19,733
    Reading List:
    Link
    /cough
    Let's just say Shen Yuan has very good reasons for all his internal screaming.

    If LBH had jumped him, that would have led to a very nasty series of flashbacks.

    Window. Window now.

    Oh, we're on the eight floor? That's still okay. At least I'll bleed to death rapidly enough that I won't feel much else.
     
    Kitama and MirrorCat like this.
  14. DJdragone

    DJdragone Commander of Food/Gav's Right hand Bun/leg lord

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,072
    Likes Received:
    2,238
    Reading List:
    Link
    Shen yuan you poor bastard XD
     
    Gav likes this.
  15. scriptor

    scriptor 『Sigilmaster』 『Immortal Sage』

    Joined:
    May 31, 2016
    Messages:
    2,010
    Likes Received:
    14,167
    Reading List:
    Link
    Shen Yuan's life is pain.

    And suffering. Mustn't forget that.
     
    Gav and alexfilia like this.
  16. Matthew9999

    Matthew9999 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2017
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    421
    Reading List:
    Link
    Can't wait for Stockholm syndrome to set in
     
    Chiiiiiiiii and Gav like this.
  17. Gav

    Gav [Fairy of the Garden of Evil]

    Joined:
    May 15, 2017
    Messages:
    4,845
    Likes Received:
    19,733
    Reading List:
    Link
    ***
    Because 'Luo Binghe' had been showing off too much skin for far too much time for Shen Yuan's mental health...

    That is to say, he sat and walked around naked or wearing only the fleecy bathrobe in Shen Yuan's apartment in between baths all throughout yesterday late afternoon, evening and part of this morning before they had met up with Airplane for the latter part of the morning and lunch.

    Because Shen Yuan did not want to run a gods-damned nudist colony, he had capitulated to necessity.

    'Luo Binghe' had only his robes and one very frightening, very sharp sword on his person.

    Shen Yuan could attest to that, he had seen the man clean his creepy looking sword on a dishrag donated to the cause last night, and then had washed the man's clothes and dried them twice.

    He was not going through this again.

    They would be going shopping. There would be clothes. There would be seven sets of clothes because there were seven days in a week and Shen Yuan really didn't want to have to wash and dry his guest's clothes constantly. The water bill would go sky high, along with his blood pressure.

    So. The mall it was. He just had to stick to 'Luo Binghe' like glue and keep him from stabbing random bystanders.

    ***

    Of course, to 'Luo Binghe', Shen Yuan's actions meant something completely different from what he actually had in mind.

    One must remember that if one were to look at Shen Yuan's actions objectively, Shen Yuan had essentially had 'Luo Binghe's wounds tended, then brought the injured man home, fed him plenty of good food and taken very good care of him, even helping him bathe and move around despite his injuries. Which were faked.

    Because 'Luo Binghe' had actually healed up completely within minutes of having them tended, thanks to his demon blood and was now just using his claimed suffering as an excuse to drape himself all over Shen Yuan as they walked.

    Now, Shen Yuan was offering to buy clothing for him. And not asking 'Luo Binghe' for anything in return. Not even sex.

    'Luo Binghe' knew he was very handsome and powerful. His women had fallen for him for that exact reason. He knew that many of them would not have done favors for him, obeyed his commands or become his if he had not been incredibly attractive, a terror in battle and skilled in bed.

    Either this Shen Yuan was some kind of saint or bodhissatva.... or 'Luo Binghe' had, for once in his life, struck solid gold in one swing.

    There was literally no way that 'Luo Binghe' was going to refuse another tailor-made excuse to drape himself all over Shen Yuan's body as they walked, or hold on to him while pretending he could not stand upright without help.

    If Shen Yuan had known 'Luo Binghe' was only faking it to cop a feel, he would have wanted to vomit blood.

    ***
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2017
  18. Gav

    Gav [Fairy of the Garden of Evil]

    Joined:
    May 15, 2017
    Messages:
    4,845
    Likes Received:
    19,733
    Reading List:
    Link
    Fixed a few errors.
     
  19. DJdragone

    DJdragone Commander of Food/Gav's Right hand Bun/leg lord

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,072
    Likes Received:
    2,238
    Reading List:
    Link
    Shen yuan oh shen yuan you poor poor bastard your being played by your hubby dicipline your man XD
     
    Gav likes this.
  20. Gav

    Gav [Fairy of the Garden of Evil]

    Joined:
    May 15, 2017
    Messages:
    4,845
    Likes Received:
    19,733
    Reading List:
    Link
    WHAT DISCIPLINE? D:
    Shen Yuan can only pray to the gods there will be no stabbing!
    Naturally the gods are pleased with his sudden display of religious fervor.
    :LOL::ROFLMAO::LOL::ROFLMAO:
     
    Kitama likes this.