The Three Godly Webnovels

The three godly webnovels of China can be thought of as the Chinese counterparts to Invisible Dragon and the seven forbidden texts of Korea. Basically, these three webnovels are the most error laden, shit-tastic, logic defying, mind boggling, snooze worthy webnovels to be published by Qidian. After their rise in infamy, Qidian kicked them off the site.

Why call them "godly" if they suck? Because if you manage to finish reading them, well, congratulations. You've attained immortality. You've mastered the Dao. You've ascended to the heavens. You've become a god.

Counting down from third place:

3. The Perfect Golden Body Art《 九转金身决》
Type: Cultivation novel
Status: Complete at 311 chapters
Raws: link

Normal cultivation webnovel: My MC is an orphan.
The Perfect Golden Body Art: Oh yeah? My MC is an orphan and I killed off his grandpa.

Normal cultivation webnovel: My MC takes 300 chapters to develop a gold core (jindan)
The Perfect Golden Body Art: Oh yeah? My MC develops a gold core within one chapter

Normal cultivation webnovel: My MC's master is 100,000 years old.
The Perfect Golden Body Art: Oh yeah? My MC's master is hundreds of billions of years old.

Normal cultivation webnovel: My MC is named after a line in a classical Chinese poem.
The Perfect Golden Body Art: Oh yeah? My MC is named "no name" because I'm edgy like that. B)

Normal cultivation webnovel: At least it doesn't seem like a middle schooler wrote my novel.
The Perfect Golden Body Art: So? I got onto the official Qidian editor's picks.

Summary:
The title actually contains a typo (which I fixed while translating over). Needless to say, the quality of the novel becomes apparent when the author can't even get the title right.

The Perfect Golden Body Art is infamous for being ridden with typos and it's chock full of cliches. It raises the bar for what it means to be an OP MC. Also, it somehow got on the official Qidian editor's picks, despite being so questionable in quality.

2. Online Game's Greatest Young Master《 网游之少爷天下》
Type: Gaming novel
Status: Dropped at 33 Chapters
Raws: link

Spoiler: Excerpt from Chapter 1

In 2046 BC, Wang Xiaoming was born in a small village. The parents were full of smiles as they finally gave birth to your son. The parents were both happy!

When Wang Xiaoming was 3 years old, he went traveling with his parents. He enjoyed it very much!

When Wang Xiaoming was 5 years old, he started kindergarten. Wang Xiaoming had always been a very good person.

Wang Xiaoming 's father said: "Mother needs to have filial piety towards my son."

When Wang Xiaoming was 7 years old, Wang Xiaoming lit a fire and accidentally started the family's disaster relief saga. The parents died. Wang Xiaoming looked like he was very sad. Wang Xiaoming looked like he couldn't live anymore. He looked as if he was going to commit suicide.

When they died, the parents (their soul) said: "Wang Xiaoming, do not die. Rely on your own strength to continue living."

There was only one orphan. He was called Wang Xiaoming. For his academic future, Wang Xiaoming hoped to be admitted to a key university, and bring honor and glory to his parents! After he grew up, he only relied on studying. Wang Xiaoming left his parents, and he had no family or relatives. Wang Xiaoming went to find a relative. After a few days, Wang Xiaoming found a nanny. Wang Xiaoming went to the nanny's house. Wang Xiaoming looked at the nanny.

Wang Xiaoming said: "Open the door. I am a passerby. I don't have parents anymore. Please help me with one thing."

The nanny said, "Young man, what do you want to say?"

Wang Xiaoming said: "I don't have parents. Can I live with your family for a while?"

The nanny said: "Okay, you don't have parents, I believe you. You can stay. Oh right, how old are you?"

Wang Xiaoming said: "I'm only 7 years old."

The nanny said, "Come in, I'll make something for you to eat."

Let's first give a round of applause to the nanny who picked up a kid off the streets just because he said he had no parents. MVP material.

Let's give another round of applause for this brave author who said "fuck traditional filial piety" and decided to reverse it by having the older generation be pious toward their children.

Let's give a third round of applause for this brave author who said "fuck pronouns" and decided to type out "Wang Xiaoming" almost every single time.

Let's give a last round of applause for this brave author who dared to write in third person objective. Truly a feat for the times, when 99% of webnovels are written in third person omniscient.

The author is truly revolutionary in all regards and Mo Yan is absolutely undeserving of being the first Chinese to win the Nobel Prize for Literature.

How to know when an author is paid by the word:

Spoiler: Bonus Excerpt

Wang Xiaoming attracted five monsters, and used a group attack skill. Each one lost 200 health points. Five monsters only brought Wang Xiaoming's character's health down by 40 points... he continued to use the relatively powerful group attack skill, and each one lost 170 health points... the five monsters died... he got 1400 EXP !!!
"Notice: already killed mountain lion 1/10."
"Notice: already killed mountain lion 2/10."
"Notice: already killed mountain lion 3/10."
"Notice: already killed mountain lion 4/10."
"Notice: already killed mountain lion 5/10."
Acquired 5 mountain lion heads, 5 mountain lion legs, and finally, acquired 5 mountain lion steaks????
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion leg 1/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion leg 2/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion leg 3/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion leg 4/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion leg 5/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion head 1/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion head 2/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion head 3/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion head 4/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion head 5/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion steak 1/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion steak 2/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion steak 3/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion steak 4/10."
"Notice: acquired the item mountain lion steak 5/10."

[note: Sorry my gaming terminology isn't up to par. Do I get a gold star for trying?]

Summary:
The novel is full of plot holes and bad writing. The way it's written, MC's IQ seems to be on the wrong tail end of the bell curve. The narration is absolutely horrid and the text is laden with mistakes.

1. The Other Heaven Path《异天途》
Type: N/A
Status: Complete at 10 Chapters
Raws: link

Spoiler: Excerpt from Chapter 1

To send the wine to the anti-air trenches to play the law of the liberation of the matter on the discussion of the computer to tell a very ugly aircraft air defense trench machine to restore the Kazakhstan to play the law of Kazakhstan hair Kazakhstan waste plan to send wine crazy spirits of the meeting seems to play amulet or seem to play and see the law to protect the forest Aloofu granite cut Is a good sense of the bell after the objective objectively objective and riboflavin immediately after the number of physical and chemical immediately after the joint United Nations United Nations Ringtones and old optimism after invigorating the consulate victory objective or anger ringing after the consequences and a time when the funny time like the time Pastor doctor.
Restore father good-looking good and invigorate, but invigorate the SCR and then invigorate immediately told me a.
The amount of extra points divided into billion cents old ah ah ah ah ah
Bacchanal dugout give play to the liberation of matter-computer tells very ugly aircraft machine dugout views resume play Ha Ha Fa Hali made waste plan bacchanal tornado landmark meeting seems to play a talisman or appears to play a protective law and are seen immediately Lim-Ah Loffi granite Law No. abridged Feeling is nice to see the bell after the objective objectively objective and the riboflavin immediately after the number of physical and chemical immediately after the United Nations United Nations Ringtones and the old optimism after invigorating the consulate victory objective or anger ringing after the consequences and a time when nothing more than the time Doctor on the doctor.
Restore father good-looking good and invigorate, but invigorate the SCR and then invigorate immediately told me a.

Don't bother trying to make heads or tails of it. It isn't supposed to make sense. I put the raws in Google Translate to give you the same mind numbing experience that you get when reading it in Chinese.

Summary/origins:
This webnovel originated from an internet forum bet. One person thought that the level of Qidian's editing team was ridiculously low because a lot of bad novels were being published, despite going through the team. The team basically determines whether a novel can get published and they choose novels to recommend in the editor's picks I mentioned earlier. So someone submitted The Other Heaven Path to Qidian and lo and behold, it got approved.

People thought, "Well, how far can we take this?" They submitted a lot of recommendation tickets and the book managed to enter the ranking boards. It got to 500,000 characters before it got deleted.

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If there is the Japanese equivalent of the three godly webnovels or the seven forbidden texts, please inform us so that the trifecta can be complete.

If anyone decides to translate any of these, the second one is the most doable at 33 chapters. Actually, spare us and don't.

 

My god.

 

I'm gonna read these

 

And, this will just make people "Questions" Qidian even more(LOOL)
At least the 3rd rank "Godly" novel reached 3 digits and managed to be completed.

 

Hats off to you for bringing us these godly novels!

 

My poor liver.

 

The Perfect Gold Body looks interesting

 

Wow the Horror!!!!

 

This is pure beauty.

 

This is good shite.

 

Online Game's Greatest Young Master sound interesting ;D

10/10 would read novels like that

They shoulda done better though

*Slash* MC has killed one lion
"Notice MC has 1/10 kills"

*slash MC has killed the second lion
"Notice MC has 2/10 kills"

That would increase the word count even more why not go all the way

 

I admire you.

 

My precious brain cells.

 

Idk what it is and i only skim to read the titles in the thread master post but i think i want to read it.

 

I thought I already saw the worst novel ever then is see this

 

Thank you Daoist now I am enlightened

 

Probably the six scriptures

 

The other heaven path has just 10chapters??

 

My head hurts now.

 

I refuse to believe this is on par with Invisible Dragon. They can't beat him 'cause he's invisible.