For a long time I felt like I was standing on a very thin border line from where I could become gay, straight, trans, bisexual, or even asexual at any time with just a single push. Although I am straight now, I still feel like it won't take much for me to realize I'm not if I actually am not. (My preferences in novels, which is gender bender, don't actually prove anything here because I was against reading gender bender at first too, I just had to break through a mental barrier first to truly love it. I know it'll be the same for yaoi novels since I have a similar but stronger mental barrier against it, but I know I would like some yaoi stuff as much as I like my favorite gender benders because what I do like in love stories are only possible for these two genres, which doesn't have anything to do with my sexuality or whatever.) Anyway, the reason why it remained this way for so long and left me confused for so long is because I have never been interested in dating or falling in love. I actually didn't want to. I don't know why, but I really don't want to experience love. I brushed off the thought of perhaps being aromantic because I love love stories and also I just felt that aromantic sounds like an asshole concept. But I now realize I more or less relate to a lot of aromantic peoples' thought processes. So, what the fuck am I? Is there some name for this confused state of mine? I don't want to take any action towards any of these paths because I don't want to be straight, I don't want to be gay, I don't want to be bisexual, I don't want to be transexual, I don't want to be asexual and I don't want to be aromantic. What the fuck do I want!? Why don't I know that? That's what frustrates me so much! (Also, I'm not heading towards pansexuality or furries either...that I'm sure I'm away from.) Given this state, I fear I might stay like this forever since I have no desire to pursue either side, which I don't want cause this state of mine sometimes feels horrible. It been like this for quite some time, I realized this very late too, but I've never brought it up online because I didn't know anything definite about it...I still feel the same way. I brought it up now because my emotions are all over the place after a series of events took place that played with my heart a lot. My mind is in shambles and I feel like puking...so I'm focusing on this which I feel is connected to me in a deep emotional way, but not enough to throw me in further disarray. Like, I feel this topic will never truly move me in any way but still a good way to redirect my feelings. PS: Reading through this, this kinda sounds like something serious, like those serious LGBTQ stuff or whatever, but I don't really mind. I didn't want it to be serious, I still don't. The serious stuff is what I'm escaping from, and this is what I came to. So no need to be considerate of anything. Plus, I'm usually a really light-hearted and happy guy...just, some things had to happen one after the other...but probably everybody experiences similar things a few times throughout their lives no matter how happy-go-lucky they are (just the timing is really bad that they happened so close to one another).