Spoiler When You Start to Regret / 네가 후회를 시작했을 때.

Novel

Title: When You Start to Regret / 네가 후회를 시작했을 때.
Length: 140 Chapters / 4 Volumes (Complete)
Author: 꿀끼 (The same author for "I will twist the neck of a friendly little bastard" / 다정한 개새끼의 목을 비틀겠습니다)
Novel Raw: KAKAO, RIDIBOOKS, GooglePlay [1] [2] [3] [4]
Review: NAVER

Spoiler: Ridibook Reviews

• There is a degree of recycling... Even if garbage has a story, it is more than garbage with a story??
  
  How is the man who wants to ruin himself by loving his step-sister at the expense of his family to be forgiven? huh? If you want to be forgiven and get better again, you have to not cross the line... You have to do trash in moderation.. When all the secrets are revealed and the woman is trembling in anger, she asks, 'Why don't you love me?' The unattractiveness of the male lead's testimony like this... He continues to wrestle and become a stalker without doing anything
  
  
• The first 60 episodes are from the past, and the prologue seems to have started over 60. It's been fun so far!!
  
  
• To be honest, I was surprised to see that 'Affectionate ***~' was the author's work. I enjoyed it quite a bit, but why is it this way haha Some people may have a taste for it, but I was very uncomfortable with the ending. I feel like I'm stuck at times. Hmmm.. Haha I didn't want the male lead to like me while reading the keyword novel, but at least I didn't have to roll over and work hard, don't I? If not, you should have turned the male lead into garbage only within the scope that you could afford. And I thought it was the worst thing to happen at a young age, but this is what this work looks like.
  
  I think it would be a better ending if I had a government for the female in a side story. I give it almost full marks, but I thought it wasn't real, so I was going to give three.
  
  
• There is no romance, there is a new wave. I think it's right that I can't connect with Namjoo. Just because you have children doesn't mean you have to live together.
  
  
• I look at the regrets a little bit while taking into account the humiliation, but this is really too serious... I'm ignorant of my family's warnings and say, 'I don't need everything in the world! I only need you!' As soon as the female Joo, who used to go all-in with the man while doing it, realizes that the man has betrayed her, she suddenly becomes smart like a second person, and her mentality is strong and mature. No, this change did not happen naturally, but as soon as you woke up after fainting, your personality changed as if you had possessed it. The youngest daughter of an aristocratic family, the woman who was so immature, never showed her mental breakdown even after she found out about the betrayal of her husband, except for rolling down the stairs. The feeling of incongruity in the female protagonist's emotional line is so immersed in her...
  
  I think she wanted to show a capable female heroine who was awakened by abandoning the male lead , but before that, please pay more attention to the emotional line ㅠㅠ
  
  
• The fate of the male sister's sister is really strange and sad, but the female lead's life is also up and down... It's really amazing to forgive the man and live with him face to face.
  
  
• The worst regret man style... I did all sorts of garbage, but I couldn't let Yeoju out of my own selfishness, and even though I knew I shouldn't be like this, I couldn't help it without you by my side. He wins his mind and forgives this guy... Why is it that no matter what the male lead does garbage, if he has a child in the middle, it leads to a messy ending?
  
  
• --------Read it to the end and review it again---
  It's good to have regrets, but I can't forgive the man no matter what he does because he makes the man so trash. Even if you have a heart for forgiveness, you think that love is never going to be redone. I should have done it in moderation...it's amazing that the woman didn't miscarry ...
  
  
• I think there are quite a few bad reviews because the first episodes are too long with past narratives (almost 40 episodes? It was a bit boring for me to be in the past). The author's writing skills are good and the content is interesting. I think it would have been better if the narratives of the past were divided and released in the middle ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I wish I was happy with the female lead..
  
  
• I even read the latest episode. The male lead was very swearing and the first episode was so shocking that I wondered if I could hold on to it. To the female lead, although he is a bad guy, as a reader, I think I can embrace it because it is salty and pitiful (I don’t think I can embrace it if it is a female protagonist).
  
  
• Even if you look at the cancer, Namju is just non-recyclable garbage. I can't forgive him even if he says he's a regretful man. I just threw it away and Yeoju kept thinking that it would be nice to meet another man.

Synopsis

When you started regretting, I regretted every moment I loved you.

* * *

Elaine Aiola, the noblest and loveliest lady of the kingdom.
When she was nearing her coming of age, a stranger approached her.

“My name is Dominic Cheshire, miss.”

The moment when intentional coincidences repeat, and in the end you come to believe that it is fate.

“I love you, Dominic. No one dares to deny my heart.”
“Prove it sometime.”

She decided to throw everything away to protect her fateful love that had come to her.

“I have a child. It's Dominic's child."

A love that had finally been saved. The beautiful fruit that began to sprout.
Happiness.

"I? Do I love Elaine Aiola?”

Until I heard the voice of the man I love leaking out of another woman's bedroom.

“Don’t be ridiculous. There's no way I'd really love that stupid Aiola's bitch."

A shrill voice echoed through the still air.
It was the moment when the truth about her, which only she knew, was revealed.

 

Spoiler Table of Contents Placeholder​

Table of Contents

• Chapter 100 spoiler
• Chapter 250 spoiler

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interesting

 

camping

 

Ok I bought Book 1
I'm curious to see what ML is like since some of the Ridibook reviews are mixed between "he's non-recyclable garbage" and "his past is pitiful". Plus, I also wondered what kind of "regret" novel this will be considering that the author also wrote "I will twist the neck of the sweet dog". According to the Naver review, MC will deliver the child, dump the responsibility on ML, and then leave hehe.

The beginning is so juicy I have to share. ML really dug his own grave (he said something so bad I was appalled since I've never even read any sh*tty MLs say what he said) and Vanessa's first appearance in the novel immediately makes you want to strangle her. At the same time, she suddenly pulled out a reverse uno card and took a massive sh*t on ML. I don't actually understand her motives behind what she said and did lol.

As for MC, I feel so bad for her, she's pregnant for Christ's sakes.

Characters:
Elaine Aiola - MC
Dominic Cheshire - (unfortunately) ML
Vanessa - MC's sister in law, also the woman ML was cheating on MC with
Fernando - MC's brother, married to Vanessa

Prologue starts with ML approaching MC during a party. (she's 19 turning 20, she will come of age in less than a month when they first met)

When ML sees MC, the inner monologue was "The woman he saw up close had a much younger face than he had seen from a distance. It was a disgustingly pretty face."

Continuation of Prologue
MC was looking for ML while they were in the Aiola mansion, and the book jumps right into the synopsis, and MC sees Vanessa and ML facing each other through a gap in the door. MC thinks it's weird that they're close enough to call each other by their first names and ML says the synopsis's line "there's no way I'd love that Aiola bit*h".

I tried to clean up the MTL on the fly so it should be readable

Spoiler: Excerpt of MC witnessing the conversation between ML and Vanessa and her reaction

"Cruel Vanessa. Knowing who I love."

The man with the cool arsenic took one step closer to the woman with red hair like flames. The man's fingertips stretched out languidly and pressed the woman's lips softly. Very slowly, the man's head was placed over the woman's face.

"A long time ago, the only person I ever loved was you. Vanessa my cunning and vicious princess."

Elaine, who had not been able to keep up with their conversation until then, was shocked only after witnessing their HOT KISS.

She sat down, hugging her swollen belly (!!). Thud....!
My heart dropped with a strong beep.

What's happening now? Why is my Dominic kissing my brother's wife? Suddenly Vanessa and Elaine's eyes met in the air. At that moment Vanessa's eyes narrowed and something like madness flashed over her. Suddenly Vanessa giggled. She burst out laughing and pushed Dominic roughly.

"Do you love me? Not Elaine, but me?"
"Yes, Vanessa. You, not that stupid Aiola."

Dominic pressed a wedge to the question as if to confirm and kill again, and hugged Vanessa's shoulder and whispered sweetly.

"I love you, Vanessa. There's not a single day I didn't love you. Even at the moment when I whispered false love to that disgusting girl of Aiola."

Elaine couldn't believe this at all. This was despite the fact that it was unfolding vividly in the present progressive tense right before her eyes.

Dominic, my Dominic....why.....

Suddenly, I felt a chill. Elaine trembled at the pain in her lower abdomen. She curled up her slender body.

At that moment, the corners of Vanessa's lips rose.

"What about you child in her womb?"
"...It's just a sacrifice to swallow Aiola."

At those words, Elaine wrapped her belly around her. She gave strength to the palm of her hand.

"I hate everything about Aiola. That idiot on the day I rip your f*cking Fernando Aiola, It's over with the Aiola woman."

A voice full of hatred slipped out of his teeth. The black eyes that Elinae had always loved gleamed with deep murderous intent. Vanessa's fine fingers, who had never done anything bad, gently caressed Dominic's cheeks, swept down.

Vanessa leaned close to him and buried her head in Dominic's chest, whispering something in a very low voice.

"...."

This time the silence was rather long. Elaine, who had been holding her breath for a while, overheard the conversation between the two of them, and found herself running fast. She felt her heart and clasped her trembling fingertips.

"....Gladly."

After some hesitation, he answered. Dominic whispered, while hugging Vanessa's body tightly.

"If you want a child, I will cut off her belly and give you a child, Vanessa. Even if it's terrible or if you don't want it, Elaine Aiola, or the child in her belly, all...." (HOLY CRAP. I CANNOT BELIEVE HE SAID THIS)

Suddenly, the sound of shrill laughter filled the room.

Vanessa ripped the bright red corners of her lips to the end of her ears and laughed.

"It's not Elaine that's stupid, it's you, Dominic!" You didn't even know that the woman with your children was listening to all of this!"
"...!"

Dominic, started by those words, put Vanessa aside and looked around the door. There really was the woman who embraced her slender figure was trembling and slumped. Unbelievably, with a pale, tired face.

"Elaine...?"

Dominic muttered, standing stiffly on the spot.

"Look at that stupid face, it's like the face of someone who saw their world destroyed! You mean you don't love that girl? Do you love me?"

Vanessa pointed a finger at Dominic and laughed like a madman.

Then suddenly with a thick and gloomy voice, like a man possessed by the devil, he poured out a curse.

"Elaine has finally come to know how demonic you are! As a matter of course, a child of Satan like you should not be loved by anyone!"

Vanessa, who had been cursed with a low, thick voice, as if that of an adult man, suddenly burst out laughing and ran outside. The high-pitched laughter that seemed to be torn apart gradually faded away.

Spoiler: MC and ML confrontation

When the silence finally arrived, only Elaine and Dominic were left. Dominic, whose face suddenly hardened, strode towards Elaine.

"...My darling Elaine, when did you start having a bad habit of eavesdropping on other people's conversations?"

The proud lady of Aiola, the proudest girl of the kingdom, had her face turn white when she saw the different appearance of her lover for the first time, and only her lips trembled.

"Fernando's sister...That what made you..."
"Smart Iola. You were also a clever woman. Hearing those few words of conversation, you immediately understood it."

He let out a dry laugh. Elaine took a deep breat, feeling like he was a stranger at the sight of him chuckling as if it was fun, even though it wasn't a funny situation at all.

"But why didn't such a clever woman not know about that? I couldn't have loved this disgusting woman of Aiola!"

She couldn't believe the words that flowed from his lips. When she repeatedly shook her head in denial, the man looked down at her with contemptuous gaze, and a cruel corner of his lips curled up.

"You still don't know? From the beginning, you were a sacrifice to devour the Aiola mansion."

His handsome face and deep, low voice reminded her of a cruel reality.

"You."

He bowed his back towards Elaine, who was shivering on the floor.

"The child in this womb."

It was when his hand touched her belly.

Slap!

Elaine pushed his hand away.

"..."

For a moment, his expression hardened in a serious way.

"The dirty and ugly Aiola girl"

"...."

Suddenly, Elaine's collar was caught. The feeble body that had been sitting pitifully on the floor was lifted up into the air.

"Looking down at people with a dignified face, talking to others as if they were mice..."
"Let it go.... Let go of me, Dominic...!"

Elaine waved her arms to free herself from Dominic.

"even so, Aiola says that you are honored..."
"This hand, please..."

The sounds of a voice that seemed to be cut off shrieked as if pleading, and she slapped and scratched to Dominic's hand and arms as if she was in pain.

"Hold on, Elaine!"

Dominic, who raised his voice at her continued resistance, shook her body strongly. Then, when Elaine bit the back of his hand, Dominic unknowingly lost his grip on her body.

Dump-!

In an instant, her body staggered, and she stumbled heavily.

"Ah..."

It was Dominic's mouth from where the soft sigh came from. He looked at his hand and Elaine, who had fallen painfully, with a stupid expression on his face.

"Elaine, this is..."

Elaine, who had been biting her lower lip and glaring at him, turned around and started running away.

"Elaine!"

The man's shouts followed her. She was captured again in fron of the high stairs leading to the central lobby.

Sorry to end on a cliffhanger, I'll continue with the part where she fell down the stairs soon. I really need to read this book

 

And he is the ML? She crawling back to him even after all that fucking shit? That wasn't love, that's what you call stupidity at it's finest, and she supposedly be a proud noblewoman, proud my ass. What, are they going to talk under the moonlight, the ML told her his 'bo-hoo' childhood story, and the FL crying in tears feel sorry for him and fall in love all over, happy ending.

Sometimes when I read this kind of spoiler (there is no way in hell I would torture myself reading the novel, and I'm not even a feminist), I kinda wish the author would transmigrated into the FL body, and experience all that shit herself, how it feels to end up with the garbage for the rest of your lives.

 

The cliffhanger i need moree

 

I made an account, just so i could beg for more spoilers about this!
How does the ml start regretting? why did the fl go back to him? please i'm begging

 

**DISCUSSION**

Spoiler: condensing everything into a dropdown

Before I start writing about the reasons why MC/FL ends up back w/ ML, I just want to make a few comments about the story. I am not sure if your response is a comment on the flaws of the character or how the author wrote the story, but I do understand where you're coming from either way. I initially felt similarly but I withheld judgment b/c I wanted to see what direction the author would take. There have been more than one instances where I've also thought it was strange for the author to pair the MCs back w/ MLs who are just plain awful.

If the response is about the story, I would say that I understood why it was written that way the more I read it. Does that mean I agree w/ how it was written? No, I think there could've been a different ending that would still work w/ the themes the author is presenting in the story, but I acknowledge it wouldn't be as powerful were she to end up w/ an ML who was not a dumbass from the beginning.

If the response is about MC's decision to go back to ML:

Spoiler: how I feel about how judgment is given on dysfunctional relationships

Some characters, and real life people as well, have extenuating circumstances that they're unable to work around, and it's easy to say "I don't agree" or "they're -insert derogatory remark-" for reuniting w/ their sh*tbag or abusive partners. MC/FL wasn't abused in this story, though she was definitely cruelly mistreated and betrayed by ML, but I do feel like it's important to be cognizant about the language we use to describe people and their personal decision to go back into a dysfunctional and/or abusive relationship. I see a lot of comment on NU threads expressing disapproval of how characters conduct their relationships and it makes me personally curious to know if these comments comes from people who have been in real, serious relationships that has lasted longer than 1yr, etc. Full disclosure, as someone who has been in a dysfunctional and/or abusive relationship in the past, I can understand the mentality behind the motivation to keep going back to someone who treats you like total ass haha. There are times where I have thrown my phone and cracked my screen protector from utter frustration when I read these novels, yet I ultimately understand that relationships can be a terrible, painful learning experience that's oftentimes a rite of passage people must go through.

I used to have very strong, self righteous opinions for how I thought people should lead their lives when I was in my teens, but now that I'm older, I understand that we don't always see someone's formative experiences and how that leads them to want to seek for love from someone who cannot give them love. And in many cases, even if we did, we won't always understand why they chose to do so because we may not share the same life experiences. There's also other times where an abuser has successfully dug deep into someone's inner thoughts, which is what happened to me, and it was very hard to describe what happened to other people, even if they were friends b/c I was honestly very ashamed for what happened to me.... it just straight up makes you feel effing stupid. I never thought that it would happen to ME, but it did, and it has also happened to quite a few of my friends over the years. It has nothing to do w/ whether a woman or individual is strong, it's about mental manipulation and someone using your insecurities against you as a method of control.

A little off topic but still relevant example:
Recently, an artist I really liked, FKA Twigs, came out w/ how Shia LaBeouf abused her and physically assaulted her. I and the rest of the internet was shocked b/c the artist's image that's been built up over the years is one of a strong, femme figure. But unfortunately, being "strong" does not protect you from someone trying to take advantage of you, and it also does not make you "weak" for staying in a sh*t relationship or for dating someone who treated you like trash. The red flags may be obvious to outsiders who are told the story after the fact, but it's important to note that it's always obvious AFTER, not during the relationship.

This post turned out to be a little longer than I meant it to be so my explanation of the story will be on the next post. Why? The story is outrageous and forreal, it deserves a separate post after everything I read

Edit: I want to emphasize that I don't like this ML.

Spoiler: he's so dumb

After all of the groveling he did in Book 3 and 4, I still don't like him. The author did a good job of fleshing out his humanity and narrating his background, but I still found it hard to be truly sympathetic to him b/c why would you take your revenge by dragging someone in who was not directly or indirectly involved??? Did it not occur to him that what happened to his family and him was messed up so why would he inflict that on someone else who was innocent??? I just ???? He could've hurt MC's brother directly by befriending HIM first, not relationship w/ MC first, and hurt MC so Fernando would know the pain of losing his sister. That way, Fernando would feel betrayed by his "close friend". But nooo, he gets engaged and impregnated MC, which is more of an indirect approach of hurting Fernando and directly hurts MC more, so now MC is hurt by her fiance. I understand the motive for having the child but ML is dumb as hell for not making Fernando the sole target of his revenge. w/e

 

The synopsis sounds like some good ol Harlequin novels that my grandma used to read, ehehe

 

[Discussion]
That's interesting take, but I'm extremely curious though? If the roles were reversed and it was the FL who was the one doing all this shitty things and cheated on the innocent ML would you be as understanding and patient towards the story and still find it reasonable for them to end up together? Would the message of the story still work out if it was about a betrayed husband going back to his terrible wife?

From my experience, wether it be in fiction and real life, people are more tolerant and lenient on men for being toxic and problematic while girls who do the same or even less gets villified and branded irredeemable. So I'm genuinely curious how people would perceived the author's story and message if the FL and ML switched roles since people tend to get extremely riled up if the ML gets even slightly mistreated by the FL than the other way around.

 

**DISCUSSION**

Spoiler: condensing everything into a dropdown

1) Wait, I am confused by your question. I don't know if it was understood, but the post was about advocating for understanding a woman's reasons for going back to a dysfunctional and/or abusive relationship since I've been reading a lot of comments sh*tting on MCs for being "stupid" or "dumb" for going back to their sh*tty partners. I didn't understand if the poster was criticizing the story or the MC for ending up w/ sh*t ML, which is why I said in advance that it's better to be compassionate about a woman's choice, especially if it includes children, since the reasons behind going back to the relationship can be complicated

2) The purpose of me disclosing the vague story of the guy that stayed in the abusive relationship was to give a different perspective from a man, since it's more common to hear stories about abusive men rather than abusive women when it comes to relationships. I didn't like the guy, personally, but I thought it was heartbreaking that he stayed in the abusive relationship w/ his ex-wife. I let him know I didn't judge him and I believe there were probably other reason I didn't know about for him staying in his marriage, it was also just sad that he couldn't tell anyone what was happening b/c he thought people wouldn't believe that a man was being abused by a woman in the relationship.

ABOUT THE ML IN WHEN YOU START TO REGRET:

Spoiler: useless bag of trash

3) I was in no way lenient towards ML (Dominic) at all, actually, b/c he's garbage to me, the focus of the post was about giving victims, aka MC, the benefit of the doubt even if we don't understand the reasons behind their actions. I don't understand the question behind role reversal, b/c my take on the ML in this story is that he's garbage, I feel bad for him somewhat b/c of his past (he watched his mother get beaten to death) but I just think he's stupid. I don't even know if I can find ML to be redeemable, b/c though he fixes the problems MC encounters, he was also the reason behind the origin of those problems. Like every-time he did something that was of help to MC, I couldn't find it in myself to be happy about his character development, I was too upset about how he took his revenge out on someone that wasn't involved w/ his parents' death and the subsequent enslavement of him and his sister. I don't like that they end up together but I like how the story is written, which gives me conflicting feelings about the ending. The ML will forever be anxious though b/c their relationship will never be the same as the beginning and he knows he's trash but I don't really feel satisfied? I wish he lost a hand or a finger or something

ABOUT ROLE REVERSAL:

Spoiler: my take

4) Tbh, I find it cringe inducing sometimes (not all the time, it depends on what the author is trying to do with the character and the story) when authors write really sh*tty MCs/FLs doing really awful things b/c I don't find that to be freeing or exciting. There's times where authors write abusive women for the shock factor and for the shallow question of "are you criticizing MC b/c she's a wOmAN or b/c she's sHiT*yYy? " and I just think that it's lazy and not at all thought provoking to me to be asked of that....is there more to it?? Is there a deeper meaning? If not, then I'm annoyed this piece of literature exists. I hated it when men did that, and I still hate it all the same when a woman does that, but I do find the stories to be interesting if the author manages to find a compelling way to talk about the hardships the women experienced that made them into someone capable of cruelty and/or abuse. For ex., I liked how Eris, MC in Kill the Villainess, is portrayed and humanized. I don't always agree w/ her but I find her to be interesting b/c I cannot fully blame her for her actions - Eris's father is ass, the potential MLs of the story do not see women as people, and the plight of the heroine is frustrating though Helena's helplessness is understandable.

It's rare to have true villainess stories and when they do exist, the authors have a tendency to characterize MC as overly toxic and then when the readers say "she sucks" the question becomes "is it b/c she's a woman??? oooh prejudice!!!!" NO, it's b/c the person is an ABUSER. Like WTF????? My community ranges from aromantic non-binary to cis-femme-bi and when an abuser gets called out, the question isn't "are you harsh on that person b/c she's a woman?" NO. First of all, the gender is not factored in b/c it's exclusionary to trans persons and anyone who doesn't identify as cis, plus abuse is rife in the queer community regardless of gender. Second, the r*pist happens to be a woman but it's still r*pe wtf. I honestly cannot get behind "The Predatory Marriage Between the King and the Paladin" b/c the weird dubcon aspect of it is creepy and I don't know why people are cheering on a character that has no reservations against sexually assaulting someone as a form of punishment. "It's not sexual assault b/c ML is in love w/ MC". OK. w/e. go be in a relationship w/ someone you love that acts like her. It's still possible to be assaulted by your significant other in a relationship but the manhwa doesn't elaborate on the concept of consent. It doesn't feel like "social progress" to cheer on a "complex, multifaceted" abuser who is also a woman, it feels like I have to read a sh*tty "thought provoking" critique on second wave feminism in 2021. good job author, wooo!!! am I being mentally manipulated into being a r*pe apologist?

TL;dr - I really detest shallow, role reversal stories that exist purely for the sake of shock factor or delivers an incomplete / extremely vague message (A Poisonous Lily).

I would find it abhorrent whatever gender the abuser / manipulator is, so I don't really understand the question? I also haven't written about the actual theme of the story or really, much of the story yet so I would need a clarification of what the question is. I'm in the middle of writing stuff about the story and the characters which will be up in the next post

Edit: I should clarify that liking how the story was written, understanding the author's intent through the direction they took, and liking the themes presented in the book doesn't automatically equal me liking that they got married at the end....It's ass.....You can like (the story) and dislike something (their reunion) at the same time, it isn't as simple as "i like the story therefore I have no qualms about MC ending up w/ ML", it's "I have mixed feelings b/c the author is a fantastic storyteller and writing their reunion successfully addresses the themes the author presents in the book but I ultimately wish they remain permanently separated b/c 2nd ML deserves a second chance and ML should regret for the rest of his life...."

The story was about how revenge is poisonous and MC broke the cycle by choosing to understand why ML did what he did even though she left him anyway b/c she hates his guts.

Spoiler: more stuff on the story

She later reunites w/ him for the sake of the child and I skipped a bit to the end (but have yet to read the stuff in between) and it seems they end up together b/c MC wants to be a proper parents to her daughter, but she felt that she had to revisit the relationship w/ ML to be a "good parent" b/c she wanted daughter to have a nuclear family. She doesn't want to take revenge on him after seeing how revenge destroyed him over the years. 2nd ML, Crown Prince Turner, was a really nice childhood friend to MC. He sent 27 marriage proposals to her after she broke things off w/ ML and wanted to be w/ her. Sadly, she is emotionally spent after ML and isn't ready. Over the course of co-parenting w/ ML, she learns more details about his enslavement under Prince Edmund (2nd ML's older brother) and hates that she starts to feel bad for him lol.

 

Can someone give outline spoilers of how ML changed and how he came to regret/grovel over the bad deed he did? Thanks

 

Spoiler: about the story

The story deals w/ themes of revenge and ethics, which are reminiscent of Park Chan Wook's Vengeance trilogy (sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Oldboy, Lady Vengeance), namely "Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance" and "Oldboy". The stories do not exactly mirror each other, but the comment on revenge being a fruitless endeavor, which can only end with the person shooting themselves in the foot, is about the same. The Vengeance trilogy is so relevant to "When You Start to Regret" that I LOL'ed every time the actions of ML in WYSTR bites him in the ass.

ML wanted so badly to get revenge but also wanted someone to truly love him despite being the broken person he is right now. He has self worth issues from his time as a Crown Prince Edmund's slave and doesn't see himself as worthy of MC even though he hates her existence as an Aiola. The kicker is that MC really loved him but he killed that love in his quest to get revenge against her brother for what he did to ML's sister. MC ended up being an unfortunate casualty in the revenge plot but ML didn't think too much of it.....

a pointless comparison to how these stories of revenge are somewhat similar to each other

Spoiler: (don't read if you're going to watch) Major Spoiler on SFMV and Oldboy

Spoiler: A very brief summary for SFMV

The MC's sister needed a new kidney but b/c he had recently lost his job, he is forced to go to an underground black market organ dealer to exchange one of his working kidneys for one that his sister could use. The organ dealer people conned him out of his funds and kidney, which led him to kidnap the daughter of the executive of his previous employment to hold her hostage in exchange for financial reimbursement. Unfortunately, the daughter commits s*icide so as to not be a burden to her father, and MC takes her body to a riverbed to bury her and his sister accidentally drowns in the river while he's burying the executive's daughter (he doesn't notice b/c he's deaf). I think the executive later kills MC and his girlfriend (the anarchist who suggested MC to kidnap the daughter in the first place) and right before he murders MC's gf, she tells him that her anarchist friends will come after him and murder him too once she's dead. The executive is like whatever yea yea and kill both of them (at separate times) but while he is busy w/ killing MC, the gf's friends come to stab him. All of the major characters the story opened w/ died lol.

Spoiler: Brief summary of oldboy

uhhh MC is an old man who was imprisoned for 15 yrs. He gets out w/ no info on why he was in jail or released in the first place and he is given a few days to find out the reason behind everything. In the flashbacks, it was discovered that he witnessed one of his classmates committing inc*st w/ his sister at school and he confides to one of his friends about accidentally witnessing it, which led to a chain of rumors about the siblings, ending w/ the sister committing s*icide. I don't remember if what MC did was intentional but the story is basically "what comes around goes around". The dude that put him in jail is the brother / classmate and he sets up a situation for MC to meet a child that he did not know he had and for them to fall in love together (LOL crazy). Dude tells MC that the girl MC had s*x w/ is his daughter (HA) and MC is like oh. my. god. Story ends w/ dude committing s*icide after successfully carrying out his revenge on MC and I think MC find a hypnotist to hypnotize himself into forgetting the girl is his daughter. It wasn't made clear in the movie whether he actually ended up hypnotizing himself, b/c when FL confesses to MC, MC breaks out into a painful smile (so I guess not).

I think I wrote in the first post that ML screwed over MC b/c he wanted to get revenge on her brother, which after reading, I understand why, I just think it was misdirected on his part and pretty stupid of him to drag someone in that was not involved w/ his trauma lol. MC did not contribute to his past suffering, and if anything, ML was the cause of most, if not all, of MC's past AND present misfortune. His stupidity knows no bounds and I honestly h8 him to the point that I find myself being unable to be civil whenever I think about describing the ML. It's that bad. He's not innately a terrible person, he's just terribly stupid. I find his stupidity to be more insulting than anything else.

• Books 1-2 is about their relationship leading up to the prologue
• Book 3 is ML emotionally falling apart and realizing he's a dumbass
• Book 4 is ML trying to repair their relationship

ML was pathetic in all of them (lol) but I did sympathize w/ the reasons for his revenge.

Spoiler: brief character description on new characters before I start

Just take this as a general overview + recap:

Royal family - Kingdom of Hermanda
(oldest) previous Crown prince - Edmund Herdian Bert, deceased
(2nd oldest) Princess - Vanessa Herdian Bert (married to Fernando)
(youngest) current Crown Prince - Turner Herdian Bert, 2nd ML (same age as MC)

Aiolas (w/ maternal bloodline of Carta Imperial family)
Parents - deceased from carriage accident when MC was 6yo
Elaine Aiola - MC
Fernando Aiola - MC's brother

Royal family of Emlita, small island country in the south - Cheshire
King Elfenor - father, deceased
Queen Amelot - mother, deceased
Dominic Cheshire - ML (4-5yo than MC)
Liliana Cheshire - ML's younger sister
Jeremy - ML's cousin

Other
Bella - Vanessa's maid, fellow slave ML grew up w/ in palace while he was a slave
Walker - Cheshire butler, loyal vassal of Emlita royal family, aids ML in his plan of revenge
Duke in Carta Empire - MC's maternal uncle

Spoiler: ML's childhood + some MTL

ML was royalty/crown prince of a kingdom that had been devoured by the kingdom MC lives in. One day, the previous crown prince (2nd ML's older brother who is deceased b/c ML later assassinated him) leads a siege and overtakes the palace. The ML and his sister is hiding as they witnessed their mother, the Queen, being beaten to death. I am not 100% sure if she was sexually assaulted in the process but the translation vaguely alludes to it by stating that the mother's clothes were torn by the end of it. His mother's death becomes the start of his anger and quest for revenge against everyone who has wronged him.

trigger warning for assault as imagery is pretty graphic :/

Spoiler: short MTL on ML's mother's death

What unfolded after that were scenes of terrible hell that could not be erased even after ten years had passed. Hiding in the closet, Dominic had to watch his mother humiliated by the cracks in the door as she resisted the enemies and was beaten and collapsed dead. He didn't know what they were doing to his mother, but it was very disgraceful and bad."

When Dominic exits the closet w/ his sister, Edmund is sitting at the table in the room drinking cold tea.

"You don't really look like the queen"

At those words, Dominic was startled and saw his mother lying on the floor. The mother, whose clothes were all torn, were barely breathing.

"Uh, mother...."

Dominic looked down at his mother with a desperate look. It was difficult to find the original face, which had been hit, swelled, and burst of blood. The two unfocused eyes could not turn to Dominic. It was a figure of a person who had run out of breath and was about to die

"Mother, mother...what did you do to mother..."

In the place of despair, only anger and hostility remained.

ML watched this when he was <10yo while he's protecting his younger sister, the only family that he has left. The crown prince enslaves both of them and they are taken back to the crown prince's palace. ML is beaten and kept in a cage by crown prince for most of his adolescent life and he meets the princess, Vanessa.

Spoiler: why ML cheated on MC & ML's first meeting w/ Vanessa

Edmund is basically torturing ML for fun. He's a sadistic POS who gets off watching a 10yo squirm in a CAGE. Vanessa and Turner discovers what their brother is doing but cannot stand up for ML b/c they're afraid of him and his cruelty. Vanessa is somewhat sympathetic to ML but does not actually care whether he lives or dies. Her sympathy can be likened to a passerby watching a cat dying on the side of the road after an accident and thinking it's sad that the cat is dying, but that's the extent of her emotional capacity for ML

Because ML has no one to turn to, he is touched by the sh*tty sympathy Vanessa gives him. He becomes infatuated w/ her and she is a target of his affection. When ML starts to fall in love w/ MC, he keeps having to remind himself that he's confusing his feelings for MC as "love" b/c the only person he actually loves is Vanessa.

Vanessa does not like ML and is in love w/ Fernando. The only reason she kissed him back in the prologue was b/c she was half out of her mind from being poisoned for years. She wasn't originally "crazy". When I read flashbacks about her relationship w/ younger brother, 2nd ML, they were good siblings to each other and she dearly loves MC. She is so dedicated to MC that in her state of drug induced madness, she rationalizes that kissing ML and having MC hear all of that crazy sh*t ML was talking about will wake MC up and she will leave ML. Vanessa hates on ML and it's killing 2 birds w/ one stone - MC will leave someone who is not worthy of her and ML will be a miserable POS w/ no one to love him.

Spoiler: the reason ML wants to get revenge on Fernando

I'm not terribly clear on this so I'll do my best.

ML has been planning to kill Edmund for a long time. He succeeds w/ a gun but (I think) he was unsuccessful in covering it up. Fernando, who is the Duke and loyal to Hermanda's royal family, conducts an investigation and the results were pointing to Liliana, ML's sister, as the perpetrator behind Edmund's death. The royal family wanted to blame someone at this point b/c of growing social unrest, so despite incomplete evidence, most of it being circumstantial, Fernando has no choice but to reveal Liliana as the one behind Edmund's assassination plot. Liliana was convicted and allegedly died for ML's sins. ML is upset and vows to get revenge against the royal family and Aiola Duchy.

I don't actually understand the whole point of the revenge since Fernando was acting under the orders of the royal family and the true perpetrators are the royal family.....I tried to read for more but it was about how Fernando lead public opinion and pointed out Liliana as the killer, but it's not like he did this completely willingly. Yes, he is responsible for Liliana's death (she was later discovered to be alive which made his revenge completely pointless) but he didn't enslave him and Liliana? Again, this was all under the orders of the royal family.....Maybe I'm missing something else Fernando did to ML, so I'll read more on that and report back, but otherwise, this is the main reason ML hates Fernando.

Spoiler: continuation of the prologue and how ML starts to regret

In the second to last chapter of Book 2, the story switches back to ML's POV while he was saying all that nasty sh** about MC to Vanessa in the prologue. He's basically trying to deny his feelings for MC and makes himself kiss Vanessa b/c of denial.

While he's "seducing" Vanessa, the inner monologue was him being disgusted but not knowing the source of the disgust and thinking how he doesn't find Vanessa appealing anymore. When Vanessa asks ML "Do you love me? Not Elaine, but me?" He's like ugh sure, why not.

This is when Vanessa cackles and she tells ML you're an effing idiot for not realizing Elaine is hiding behind the door and has heard their conversation. So he chases after the heartbroken, scared Elaine. He catches her once and she bites him on the back of the hand, making her drop him.

Spoiler: continuation of Prologue-MTL-

She turned around and started running away.

"Elaine!"

A scream close to a shriek followed her.

All I had to do was hold onto her.

She just hit that fragile body on the floor....By the way, she recently collapsed....Hurry up and take her to the doctor.....

"Wait, Elaine! I'll explain everything...."

"Oh, don't come.....!"

It was in front of the high stairway leading to the central lobby where Dominic grabbed her again. Elaine, caught by Dominic, slid backwards.

Fear filled her green eyes, which had been full of affection for him. It wasn't the Dominic she knew. Elaine was very afraid and hated this strange man disguised as Dominic.

Avoiding the man who took one step towards me, Elaine strongly shook his hand away. At that moment, the body lost its balance and trembled greatly....

"Elaine....!"

His voice, which felt particularly unfamiliar and frightening gradually faded away. Elaine slowly closed her eyes and then reopened them as she was rapidly falling down.

Thud.....

It was as if a dull, fricative sound could be heard from a distance. The bright red blood seeped through as the dim mind cooled down.

Hurt.....

Hurt.....

My whole body hurt. Instinctively, his lower abdomen was warmly wrapped around him.

I'm so sick, Dominic....

Elaine closed her blurry eyes and lost consciousness. A black wave swept over my field of vision, and all my senses went away.

I hate my Dominic.

When you started regretting (Dominic treating Elaine like ass), I was regretting every moment I loved you. Your regrets were so bitterly infested, and my regrets subsided bitterly. Your regrets, bursting with hot tears, could not melt my cold, frozen regret.

The temperature of regret between you and me, the two of us, was so vastly different.

....So I won't forgive you.

***

The man hugged the daffodil girl who had fallen pale in the smeared blood and cried out. The servants jumped out in amazement, but the horrific scene made more noise.

In the midst of the urgent footsteps of the workers passing in a hurry, the man could not let go of the woman he was holding in his arms and burst red bloodstains in his eyes.

The corner of his eyes, which had been weeping hot the whole time, finally burst. With an undeniable cry.

END OF CHAPTER 8, BOOK 2

Spoiler: Dominic having a mental breakdown -MTL-

Chapter 9, Book 2

Elaine bled a lot. Some of it had flowed form her head, which had his the floor, but much of it had flowed from between her legs and wet the hem of her white dress.

When the doctor looked at her, Dominic, who was nervous and next to her, couldn't bear the pressure. He buried his head in both palms.

There was no way I could keep watching her.

"Elaine, Elaine..."

When asked in a pale voice, the doctor also lowered his head more deeply, unable to hide his unavoidable impatience.

"I'm doing my best, but tonight is a turning point.... Ha, but somehow, I will risk my mission as a doctor and save her! I will definitely saver her!"

The doctor quickly added to Dominic's increasingly contorted face. Of course, there was no hope for him. Not a word.

Dominic looked at the doctor with a still gaze, then looked at Elaine's pale face as she lay. Just a few hours ago, that face was sadly wet. The woman who was like sunlight on a spring day unfamiliar to me was in tears.

His two eyes, which slowly slid down, stayed on her round belly.

Thump, thump, thump.

The pounding sound in my ears grew stronger.

"Fortunately, the baby in the womb is in good health...."

The doctor, who noticed where his gaze was, explained this carefully. But Dominic, unable to look at her anymore, turned his head away.

What the hell are you so afraid of?

The child is fine. As far as the most beautiful and perfect sacrifice in the world, she is safe. So now, if only that stupid woman who wake up and get up.

No, if that woman is unable to maintain her position and messes things up, then, as Walker said, he will prepare a suitable substitute to deceive people.....

Sh*t.

For a moment, Dominic felt the hairs all over his body stand upright and stepped back.

I just... What a terrible thought...

On Elaine's face, who was lying cold, the smile like the bright spring sun that was smiling remained as an afterimage and fluttered in the air.

Suddenly, I can't see that face again. At the thought that it might not exist, a dark fear came rushing down from my toes and engulfed my whole body.

'It's okay, Master. Don't worry too much. Be prepared for anything even if things go wrong...'

Immediately after Elaine fell down the stairs, he came to me in the midst of a frenzy. Walker went back with after telling a few tips to Dominic that he would have been casually nodding at normally.

The reason I once thought of breaking her neck with my own hands, now and his words are so horribly cruel.....

"Sir Cheshire, you have a very bad complexion. Take a break for a while..."

At the doctor's words, Dominic raised his head. On the wall mirror, his own face reflected was as white as a ghost.

Unable to overcome the pressure of the air in the room, Dominic went to his own room separated by a door in between. (They're engaged so living in rooms that are connected to each other)

He barely closed the door and leaned his back against it.

Thump, Thump, Thump, Thump-!

Ever since she heard him talk to Vanessa, his hear's constant soaring heartbeat was piercing through his skin.

Dominic closed his eyes tightly and then opened them again, but his condition did not clam down.

He said that my body would be like this the whole time until Elaine wakes up. i knew intuitively that it was going to keep being like that.

Dominic took a dry breath, covering his face with one hand.

Why.

What the girl said...

Even if something went wrong, throwing her out and replacing her with a new one was find because she was just a sacrifice. Why....

"Look, do you love Elaine?"

At the sound of a whisper in his ear, Dominic quickly put his hands away and lifted his head.

Spoiler: I should elaborate on his plan of revenge

So, while ML is in crisis mode, Vanessa gleefully comes to him and rejoices in his anguish. Why? It's her revenge against him for putting Fernando in jail. She also tells him that what he feels for her is not the same as his feelings for MC. She's elated b/c ML feels true love for MC and he ruined it with his own hands.

Dominic is hella annoyed and pushes her away. Vanessa is laughing at him and mocking him, asking him how does he dare to love MC after doing what he did to her. At some point, he becomes really upset and checks out for a second and once he recovers his senses, he realizes he is choking Vanessa as Vanessa is laughing madly.

His revenge plan is as follows:

1. Seduce Elaine.
2. Impregnate her and get engaged
3. Slowly poison Vanessa with an infertility drug so she cannot get pregnant w/ Fernando's successor, which would've been a contender against his own child. Unfortunately, the poison also drives Vanessa crazy and she's rendered incapacitated by her madness for the rest of her life. He even destroys the life of the girl he thought he was in love with....
4. Eliminate Fernando by framing him as former Crown Prince Edmund's true killer by planting fake evidence
5. Have MC deliver the baby. Once the baby is delivered, eliminate MC and replace her with a body double.
6. The baby now has full inheritance rights to the Aiola duchy. After getting rid of MC and his brother, he will finally be with Vanessa and the baby. He hates Vanessa for being part of the family who killed his family but is still infatuated her despite that b/c she is his "first love" for being the first person to ever show him some two bit sympathy while he was a slave.

This will be all for today. My mind is shot. I want to detail how MC gets back w/ ML but I haven't read that part yet b/c I haven't had time. So I'll just substitute w/ some other stuff and come back later when I'm well rested.

Spoiler: some events leading up to engagement cancellation and a bit after

Brief summary of later events:

• While MC is asleep, the doctor tells ML that MC is in danger. MC accidentally ate these poisoned cookies ML prepared for CP Edmund when he was still a 10yo slave child. 6yo MC was poisoned & on the brink of death but they managed to suppress the poison in her system. When she fell off the stairs, her immune system experienced shock from the fall and the poison in her system reactivated, slowly killing her. ML was given the option of saving MC or the child b/c delivering the child will weaken and kill her. ML chooses to save MC and secretly feeds her drugs that would abort the child while she is unconscious and she was still ingesting them when after regaining her consciousness. She realizes what the drug is and is furious. ML has really fallen low, someone who she trusted for so long has shown her his true colors. ML is still full of himself and he says something along the lines of "it's ok, we will just have another one, it will be fine because you love me and I love you". Wtf ML.....MC says "how dare you after everything you've done!" She refuses to take the drug and is determined to keep the baby
  
• Bella, Vanessa's maid, is infatuated w/ ML. Vanessa attacks her after finding out she has been poisoning Vanessa all these years under ML's orders. While she is brutally assaulted by Vanessa in front of everyone at the Aoila duchy, Bella calls out to ML by his first name, begging him to save her. ML freezes, b/c he finds her ew, and ignores her. Bella is later executed for harming royalty.
• MC is witnessing Bella calling ML intimately. She thinks that he's already cheated on her w/ Vanessa and it would make sense if he's also cheated on her w/ Bella. Even if it wasn't the case, the specifics didn't matter anymore b/c she already found out about his plans for revenge. The servants of Aiola is shocked about what happened b/c Vanessa also calls ML by his first name. Before, MC & ML's relationship fell apart, he kept up the ruse of being the perfect, loving fiance so it was pretty scandalous to have two other women call his name intimately and suggest they're also close to him
• 2nd ML, Crown Prince Turner, is MC's childhood friend. He visits MC at Aiola Duchy after she's recovered. Jealous ML rebukes 2nd ML and MC has had it. She think he's an effing hypocrite for being wary of Turner when all she did was give him unconditional love and she paid the price w/ complete and utter betrayal. ML had been living in the Aiola duchy with her since their engagement and she's thinking about kicking him out
• I don't remember if this took place after or before the engagement was annulled, but she visits Turner at the palace after he visits the Aoila duchy, and she meets mercenaries who were hired by ML and Walker. ML didn't want to kill her but Walker wasn't aware so the plan was carried out since it has been pre-planned from a while ago. ML comes to save her and she narrows her eyes at him. She asked him if he's the one who sent assassins to end her life. He starts to pathetically cry and gets on his knees and tells her he "didn't mean" to do this to her.
• The engagement is annulled via lawyer. He is kicked out and he goes back to his desolate mansion, which only has 5 people working in total there. He is depressed and Walker is confused why he's so upset. ML plants a spy at the Aiola duchy and receives reports about how MC is doing but he is nevertheless anxious b/c she has gone NC on him. The only remaining thing between them is the baby.
• MC safely gives birth to the baby but does not announce the baby's birth or register her under Aiola. She swore that the baby will not be used for ML's revenge plans and this was the only way she could protect Aiola. She visits ML for the first time in a while and drops the baby and leave. She decides to go to the Carta empire to see her maternal uncle. After delivering the baby, she discovers she has 4-5 yrs left to live and wants to be in a stable environment and sadly cannot give the baby any love as her time is short. She also feels too betrayed from her brother, Vanessa, and ML to want to be near them again. Fernando knows she's living on borrowed time. MC tells him to tell ML she's dead if he ever tries to find her. ML goes to Aiola the next day (?) and goes mad when Fernando informs him MC has passed away.
• -Time Skip- ML plans to move to Carta Empire b/c he cannot bear to stay in Hermanda when he has so much memories w/ MC there. The daughter is 4-5yo at this point and is his only source of happiness. He's a great father during the daytime but a madman at night. He has trouble sleeping and cries when he looks at daffodils (MC's favorite flower). He often pretends MC is in front of him and that he is holding her, just like he used to when they were still engaged. He's in deep regret and hasn't been taking care of himself in the time they've been separated. The daughter (forget her name but she's named after daffodils) accidentally sees him crying and talking to himself one night and she's absolutely haunted. Walker doesn't know what to say and ushers her back to her room

 

To be honest, after reading the spoilers, it's obvious that this novel is like classic 80s Harlequin novels tho, their MLs usually targetted the weakest prey (aka. FLs) to wreak havoc on the enemies (which were likely FLs' families) and also set a path for the dramatic and angsty relationships between FLs and MLs. It's stupid and ignorant to target innocents but it's just a very classic trope in all kinds of novels.

 

[Discussion]

Spoiler: Reply

1. Oh, sorry if it wasn't clear; I was just wondering if you think people would still find this story well-written if the FL and ML were in each other's roles instead. As you said, problematic behaviors has no gender so technically, even of the roles change between the leads the writing quality and narrative should not be affected at all. The story and ending of them getting together again would still give readers conflicted feelings rather than just it being considered outright bad. Since, the reason most 'regret MLs' get pity despite their actions is because of pretty privilage or solely by the fact that they're the endgame man and not because they truly sympathize with his faults as a human. So I'm not sure if the ML's role is truly compelling or just another case of readers having a bias for his broken badboy archetype

2. On the topic of role reversals again: Toxic alpha male love interests and non-con/dubcon romance had existed since time immemorial and is pretty much a staple of the genre, if people are allowed to read, write, and like stories like that than surely role-reversal stories have the right to exist as well? Plus I don't get thinking a practically niche genre of novels is spreading and manipulating people to have toxic and harmful ideals, when those things are already present and prevalent in the usual romance literature/media in a much wider and more effective range.

To me personally, role-revesal stories (even the shallow ones) are more of a satire of the common terrible sexist tropes that thirsty readers would let pass and find attractive if a handsome male character had done it.

 

Thanks not reading this

 

@Le_Tired Thank you sooo much for your spoilers!! whenever you feel like it please provide us with more! I really do appreciate it! would you ever do chapter summary spoilers? if not that's totally fine!

 

Lmao, ML really went out of his way to make everyone EXCEPT the sole guy responsible for his torment suffer huh? Quick gunshot for the person who gleefully & sadistically tortured a child but everyone else who did jack shit to him (due to extenuating circumstances) gets the 5 year revenge plan.

At least he's consistently stupid with his fuckups (oh, the infertility drug makes you go crazy? oops, should have researched that more. oh dang, i forgot to coordinate with my assassination plan partner....well that probably won't backfire on me at all! :^))