Request Help in writing novel.

I started writing my seriously first novel.
After i wrote i realised that it lack style and the mood is all over the place.
Even though is been more than 2 years of reading novel was no help to me.
Is there a recommendation for me to a site to help people like me or just give me some advice.
Thx in advance.
Here's my novel
->>> Destiny Upheaval
I do realised my English is really bad revising my grammar and basic English ;_;

 

Should have just wrote something instead of looking at royalroadlegend's forums it's been awhile since I've been back there bye.
Here is a link to RoyalroadL
http://royalroadl.com

 

the sentence mostly short. elaborate more. vary the pacing.
oh and your second chapter had too many '!"
!!!!!!

 

is a trial though

 

Hmmmm...One of the important things I learned is to be aware of the tenses you use. If you start writing in the past tense, do so for the rest of the story. Switching present to past and past to present can be harsh to your readers.

 

If you want advice, there are plenty of writers here who can offer one. But you must know what to ask or we won't know how to help you. Me for example, don't have time to read a story. So if you ask me questions, I can answer. If you ask me to read your story, unfortunately I don't have the time. Not being mean, it's just the reality of the matter.

 

Here's an example of what I meant about verb tenses. I made a quick edit of your story:

In a sparse forest, a village called Flowing Grass.

The houses were made of mud wood and straws were built in a circle around a wooden 2 story building as a center. Strips of bamboo fences were erected around the village signifying the lack of wealth .Amongst the dull eyes and worn rags, a young child with bright black eyes and silk clothes, around 8 was walking around the village full of curiosity and a trace of disdain. His little legs brought him out of the village into the desolate mountain range with hope for a treasure, he had heard stories how young heroes would become immortals, monarchs and emperors with a stroke of luck. Despite his age,he was not that naïve as he wished to just chance upon a way that would allow him to enter a 'sect'.
Under the scorching sun,sweat drip from his forehead.

Sorry if the editing I did was lackluster but I hope you got what I meant. Also, be careful with the placement of your commas and do not keep on introducing new paragraphs. Try to at least have 3 to 4 sentences in one paragraph before you start another.

 

Yeah but i also dun have a writing style and cant control the mood.
Thats my main concern.

 

i'd love to give you advice for your chapter but honestly it all needs work, if you're willing to create a Google Docs page i could edit it for you and you'd be able to see my suggestions compared to your own writing.

 

Not bad for your first novel... keep it up

 

Royalroadl.com and go to their forums. You'll be able to post your novel, it just needs: title, synopsis and prologue/chapter. I would also recommend editing and looking up writing syntax and grammar. A outline of what you want in the chapter may help, so you know points that you want to reach.

 

Tried to edit a bit:

In a sparse forest a village called Flowing Grass,
houses built of mud, straw and wood surrounded a taller two story house made of wood.
Sparse bamboo fences dotted the village's surroundings signifying it's lack of wealth.
Amongst the villagers clothed in tattered rags and dulled eyes,
a young child with bright black eyes and silk clothes approximately 8 years of age was walking around the village filled of curiosity and a trace of disdain emanating from his bearing.
His little legs brought him out of the village into the desolate mountain range in hopes of finding treasure,
as he had heard stories how young heroes would become immortals, monarchs and emperors with a stroke of luck.
Despite his age he was not as naïve as to believe wishes were sufficient by themselves without risk and effort to chance upon a way that would allow him to enter a 'sect'.
Under the scorching sun sweat dripped from his forehead upon the rocky path while his eyes roamed upon every rocky path in the valley.
Suddenly, a rustling noise came from a dry bush.
His alert eyes stare as a wild rat came out of it mouth clutching a small lizard.
With a relief in his pounding heart he scolded himself for being such a coward, frightened by a mere rodent hunting four its meal.
As his stiff legs relaxed as he considered returning to his second story home he misplaced his footing out of ignorance and slipped,
tumbling down from the stony path into a near by dense dry bush.
Instead of coming to a halt he fell into a hidden hole as he rolled down the slanted terrain further and further underground.
Pain filled his aching and bruised body as he bit his lower lips sternly to control the tears welling in his eyes.

Ignoring his dirtied clothes,bruises and pained joints he surveyed the surrounding with alert eyes.
He knew such large holes were the dwelling places of man-swallowing snakes and where encountering dangerous wild animals was a definite possibility .
However all that greeted him was a dusty natural cave with faint light rays coming from above illuminating his surroundings.
As he squinted his eyes he noticed the borders of the cave wall seemed unusual,
as the natural formation of the rest of the cave did not match the patterns with that particular cave wall.
It was as if an earthen wall was raised to hid something.
Anticipation filled his heart as he gathered his courage and approached and gave it a knock.
The dusty earth crumbled a bit and with excitement he picked up a nearby rock to start destroying the wall.
Dut Dut Dut.
After approximately 20 rapid strikes a small hole was opened, as he wiped the sweat from his brow with his sleeves
his eyes squinted as he attempted to peer into other side of the wall amid the gloom and dust.
He was shocked to discover a skeleton wearing a decaying green robes with several wooden stakes nailed into its body.
One in its forehead, one in its chest and two penetrating the shoulder joints. There were strange symbols inscribed on these wooden stakes.
The most unsettling thing he noticed was that the wooden stake on the forehead was merged in it, make his heart cold.
Gritting his teeth he ignored the cold sweat on his back as he searched for other items of interest on the skeleton.
Noticing that the skeleton's bony left hand was clutching a strange object he picked up a few tiny stones and threw at the skeleton to see if was 'alive'. He had heard rumors of supernatural beings and especially the existence of sect had made him weary of bad fortune falling on him. Noticing there was no response he squeezed with haste through the hole and pried open the skeleton's hand to inspect the object.
Kache Kache......
The bones crumble with a bit of effort,
anticipation filled his heart as he pick up the strange object
It was a round thumb-size object with what looked like many 'strings attached to a crude little brown stone forming a spherical shape.
As he was inspecting the object his eyes grew gloomy and he became dazed.
His bright black eyes became empty as he was holding the object and then a pulse of weak light came from the brown stone.
The seemly lifeless strings started wriggling !
Slowly they started to drill into the brown stone as it shivered as if in pain before slowly turning black and crumbling into dust.

 

In your case, the best advice is to keep writing IMO.

There is no formula to become a good writer, and while reading does help, practice is what will truly help you.

If you don't mind me advertising a bit, try going to our Short Story Writing Group, it could help you test new ideas and styles of writing until you decide what fits you best.

Best of luck! Keep on writing and don't give up!

 

this creates a kind of confusing mental image. it's hard to picture a child that is both equally acting curious, a generally positive trait, and with disdain, a negative trait. stick to one or the other, though i'd recommend just taking out disdain altogether as i'm not sure you fully understand its definition nor does it seem to add much else to the idea you're conveying, it just looks like you tried to spruce up your writing a little too much.

 

I am merely trying to hint his back ground to the readers.

 

But I am going in for the long haul. Like about 500 plus chapter?XD

 

Agreed. Also, editing is extremely important. It's amazing how improper comma spaces, unnecessary paragraphs, and language that is redundant or cancels itself can make people turn away. After editing, using websites like grammarly can do wonders to the small forgetten errors.

 

the content isn't the issue it's your choice of words and formatting.

"Amongst the villagers clothed in tattered rags and dulled eyes,
a young child with bright black eyes and silk clothes approximately 8 years of age was walking around the village filled of curiosity and a trace of disdain emanating from his bearing."

that is far too long of a sentence, you're trying to mash together 3 different ideas and conflicting details into one sentence and it makes it cluttered and fatiguing to read. here's an example of how i would approach it:

"While the villagers were clothed in tattered rags and wore dull eyes, an 8-year old child stood out with bright, black eyes and silk garbs. As he strolled around the village, a look of curiosity filled his eyes. However, one could also see a faint trace of disdain hidden beneath his actions."

while it may be longer, this creates more coherent and concise images for the reader to follow. when you run on sentences like that people tend to forget the details of the beginning of the sentence, and there's no point in adding so much detail if you aren't attempting to inform the reader well.

edit: while I understand english isn't your first language, before you take on the task of continuing this novel, join some workshops as suggested above so you can get constant feedback on whats working with your writing and what isn't. after all, you can have the greatest ideas for a story but it'll always fall flat if it's accompanied by shoddy formatting and writing.

 

Thx! I will keep in mind and study it!
Just updated a new chapter hopes it much better than the previous chapter.

 

the new chapter honestly seems interesting, give me about 15-20 minutes and i'll give you a rewrite of it with some notes.